In Blue Ink

My Dark Corner

2011-11-29T19:38:00.001-05:00

I try to keep my negativity in check on facebook and twitter. Nobody wants a bunch of complaints filling up their feed. But since this is my blog (and you can leave any time) and I need somewhere to vent, consider yourself warned...

I hate my job (gee, there's a shocker). I hate every single thing about my job. I had decided to put in my notice several weeks ago, but my fiancé talked me into staying. While I understand and respect his point of view I would never pressure him to do anything he didn't want to. So I'm feeling a tad resentful. It matters not a bit that he ~~might be~~ is right. I also feel like there's no point in me talking to him about it because I already know how he feels.

I decided again today that I couldn't take it anymore and would be putting in my notice on Friday. Now something has come up which would make it unwise to leave, especially if I want a chance to do something I've always wanted to do. Unfortunately, I have trouble coping with current misery in hopes that things may improve at some vague point in the future. Frankly, I just want to cry, and swear, and be as crabby as humanly possible (and if you know me, you know that I do crabby quite well). Most of the time I feel like curling up in a ball in the corner and squeezing my eyes shut. So if you're looking for me and can't find me, look in a dark corner.

We are doomed

2011-11-03T10:16:00.003-04:00

I started a new job at the end of September. It is a part-time, no benefits, fairly low paying job. And yet, I am finding it quite stressful and anxiety producing. Every day I am astonished at how rude, inconsiderate, and just plain nasty these kids are. They lie, they cheat, and they do it looking you square in the eye. The last time I worked with kids (about 15 years ago) they were no where near this miserable. I want to shake the parents and holler at them, "teach your kids some manners and common decency!"

Every day I plaster a smile on my face and hope the kids are less evil than the day before. So far I've been disappointed every day. I find this a worrisome reflection of our society.

(Obviously there are a few good eggs, but the vast majority are extremely unpleasant.)

It may be time to start looking for yet another new job because I don't know if I can keep up the good cheer.

But they taste so good

2011-08-29T08:32:00.003-04:00

I've been eating whole wheat waffles for a couple weeks now. I would eat my two waffles and then immediately take my daily vitamin. And then immediately get extremely nauseous. After one bout of vomiting, I decided it must be the daily vitamins because they often bother me without sufficient food in my stomach so I stopped taking them. Although usually two waffles is sufficient. But I really like these waffles, so it was easier to blame the vitamins. Except I'm sitting here, post waffles, feeling quite nauseous.

Years ago I was tested for Celiac Disease and was diagnosed with IBS instead. However, experiences like this make me second guess the diagnosis.

(And before you suggest I return to the GI for additional testing, I am without health insurance, so that ain't happening any time soon.)

Toe Shoes

2011-08-04T08:52:00.005-04:00

I've been coveting a pair of Vibram FiveFingers for more than a year. I first saw them being worn at Second Home Nature Center and promptly went home to Google "toe shoes." After reading a negative review last fall I put them out of my mind. But this summer they kept cropping up everywhere. I saw a young couple wearing them while grocery shopping (much to the horror of my fiance). I read a blog post written by a woman with serious foot problems (metatarsalgia) who found relief while wearing her VFF. I decided it was time to at least try them on myself.

It took four pairs before I found the right fit. The first pair was too tight, so I tried one size up. But that one was way too loose and too long. Disappointed, I left the store, afraid that my feet fell into that in-between size and that I might never be able to own a pair. During the next few days I did some more internet research and found that sizes vary between styles. Knowing that, I decided I should try on a few more pairs before giving up. If there can be variability between styles, there might be some slight variability even within the same style (I had my heart set on the Sprint, pictured above).

So I went to a different location of the same store and tried on two more pairs of the same style in my size. The sales associate brought me out a pair of pink Sprints to try on for fit before he hunted for the slate color I wanted. The pink ones fit much more comfortably than the first pair I tried on at the other store. My theory was proved: variability does exist! But no way did I want pink shoes. I sent him back to seek out the slate color, which when I tried them on fit tighter than the pink but looser than the first pair at the other store. Perfect, sold! (Again to the horror of my fiance, but since he doesn't walk with me, his revulsion shouldn't present too much of a problem.)

I'd read lots of cautionary tales on the importance of acclimating your feet/legs/ankles to the minimalist style shoes. Doing too much too fast can risk injury. My first day out I walked my planned 15 minutes. I walked slowly and carefully, concerned about every little pebble or crack in the pavement. But while I could certainly feel the ground beneath my feet, nothing hurt! After my allotted 15 minutes, I stopped home and changed into traditional sneakers to continue my walk. On day 2, I followed a similar pattern except I extended my walk in the VFFs to 20 minutes. I also went "off-road" to walk through the grass around the perimeter of the neighborhood park. This felt better and more natural on my feet than the warm pavement. On day 3 I moved up to 30 minutes without any problems. Today I'm planning to take my VFFs to Second Home Nature Center and try them on the trails there. I expect the wood chips will be more pleasant than pavement.

The only sensations of acclimating I've experienced is a feeling of stretching on the underside of my toes between the ball of my foot and the pads of my toes. Speed wise I am definitely moving slower, but I think that's fine initially. I hope I can increase my speed as I become more confident in walking almost barefoot, something I haven't done much of outside the house in several decades.

Greener Grass

2011-07-18T15:42:00.005-04:00

I really, really like not working. (I know, you're thinking, who wouldn't? Well, hush up, we're talking about ME right now.) I think I was born in the wrong decade, possibly in the wrong century. I would be perfectly happy to stay home, clean the house, do the dishes and laundry, and mow the lawn. Obviously cooking is a sticking point, so we'll just skip right over that, since I am fortunate enough to have a man in my life that enjoys cooking.

July is a delightful time of year to be unemployed. I get to watch every stage of Le Tour de France. I get to go for walks every day. I spend hours reading and usually do some writing, too (well, journaling might be more accurate). I also spend a good amount of time job hunting because, unfortunately, I have bills that must be paid. Eventually my money will run out and I will be in trouble.

So I must hope to find a job before that happens, even though there is nothing out there in the world that I would rather be doing than what I am doing now. I am just not drawn to any career or calling. I have no passions that can be translated in to paying jobs (unless someone wants to pay me to walk or read? Yeah, I don't see that happening either.) Someone recently described my work history/life as being like that of a gypsy. While I think that is a bit of a stretch, I can only tolerate doing something unpleasant for so long. Given that I find working unpleasant, it is probable that I won't ever stay in one job for the decades (or lifetimes) typical of previous generations. I'll probably always be looking for greener grass.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my unemployment while it lasts and try not to let worrying about finding a job or running out of money ruin it for me.

A la Carrie from Sex & the City

2011-02-12T09:51:00.003-05:00

I hate parsley. It's not just that I find it annoying or mildly unpleasant. I HATE it. I hate that it is the obligatory garnish sprinkled on top of everything I order. Sometimes I try to pick it off if the pieces are big enough. But it can be darn difficult to remove from red sauces or an alfredo. Every time they set my dish in front of me, I curse (mostly to myself). I always remember after the food arrives that I meant to ask them to hold the parsley. Never have I remembered as I am ordering. It always sours the meal for me but never wholly ruins it.

However, last night when the waitress set my fettucini alfredo down on the table, I had a sinking feeling. Not only was it covered in finely minced parsley (making an attempt to remove it absolutely pointless), but there was also giant chunks of freshly ground pepper. Which I hate even more than parsley. When you order a mild dish like alfredo, you'd think it might be implied that things like pepper are not desirable.

Apparently I will need to not just ask for no parsley, I will need to ask for NOTHING placed atop my food for decoration or presentation. Vile. It certainly eliminated any enjoyment I had for my meal last night.

On the Home Front

2011-02-09T18:53:00.004-05:00

This past November we put our house on the market. As it turned out there was virtually no interest in the house. It was priced too high, the yard has too many trees, and not having a furnace tends to scare away potential buyers. Winter hit hard and early and people just don't want to house hunt in the snow. We lowered the price once, but then decided to take it off the market, unwilling to lower it any more.

I'm not keen on cutting down the trees, nor can we install a furnace, but we can continue to make minor updates to the house. It might improve the marketability of the house or maybe we'll make it into somewhere we want to stay (although it is a bit smaller than we would prefer). Since de-listing the house, we installed a utility sink in the basement, hung some insulation, and replaced all the hardware on the kitchen cabinetry. Obviously I am using the term "we" loosely. It is super helpful when doing home improvement projects if your other half is capable of doing pretty much everything himself.

Next on the list is a slightly larger project- replacing all of the interior doors. The original dark brown doors are pretty beat and look rather dated. Eventually we want to replace them all with white 6 panel doors to match the ones I had installed on the family room level when I had it finished 4 years ago. Also on the to-do list is a new light fixture for the dining room and doing something about the flooring in the master bedroom. Our real estate agent described the carpet in there as "interesting."

The list of things we could do goes on and on, but that's just part of home ownership.

Vent-a-licious

2011-02-08T18:32:00.002-05:00

My friend Melanie recently implied that I'd forgotten how to blog. And perhaps she's correct. I'm not feeling very creative. It seemed as though my blog had turned into a big, old vent. Complain, complain, complain. But then again, I started this blog as an extension of my spiral notebooks. And frankly, much of what I do in my notebooks is vent. It gets it off my chest and out of my mind, thus preventing some major dwelling. And me, I'm prone to dwelling. Besides, I'm quite sure there's no one left reading this little tiresome blog, so I might as well use it to my benefit.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that I am still singing the same old tune. The "I HATE my job" tune. Because, to be honest, I hate every single thing about my job, except for the fact that I have my own office with a window and a door. Beyond that I hate everything I do, I hate "the company," and I hate my commute.

Another thing I hate is hand washing dishes. I bought a dishwasher so that I would never, ever have to hand wash dishes again. But I've found one time that I don't hate it, after finally getting home almost 11 hours after I left, after an excrutiating hour in the car, cursing at the drivers around me, with a throbbing, pounding headache from blasting the heat in an attempt to melt the giant blocks of ice from my windshield wipers. As I sit here typing on my laptop I keep realizing that my shoulders are clenched tightly up around my ears. Even after I force myself to relax them, they creep right back up.

I know some of you (I'm going to pretend I actually still have readers) are thinking to yourself, work isn't supposed to be fun, that's why it's called work. I understand that in theory and maybe I just don't have as strong a constitution as you all. Feel free to condescend all you want (to yourself or those around you), and I will continue to curse you out in the quietude of my little brain.

So I'm telling you this right now. I can't do this much longer. I will NOT be working at this job at this time next year. No matter what. So there. The end.

Giveaway Fun

2010-07-24T10:38:00.003-04:00

I know a few of my readers enjoy the fun of a good giveaway, so you should pop on over the Fishing and Wishing. I've already won TWO giveaways (as myself, not as Nadine). There's lots of cool jewelry and other interesting items. Enjoy!

Surprised Myself Even

2010-07-13T16:20:00.003-04:00

I haven't written poetry in many years. Mostly lack of interest prevented me from even trying. But this afternoon, I thought to myself I think I'll write a poem.

And I did.

Who knew. I don't even care if it's crap; I'm merely pleased with the act itself.

Naming

2010-07-10T18:35:00.004-04:00

We went for a ride on the motorcycle this afternoon. We rode past fields of corn and soybeans and amber waves of grain. Everything was green and the sky was blue. It was the perfect temperature, warm enough for the wind to keep me comfortable.

While riding on the back of the bike I can see so much more of my surroundings than I can from the inside of a car. I am constantly swiveling my head, trying to see as much as possible. I often think of how when I see things, I name them in my head. Blue spruce, Queen Anne's Lace, white oak, sugar maple, sweet pea, geranium, and so on. Most people don't know the names of the trees and plants they see on a daily basis. Do they think to themselves "more green things" or do they not even notice the green things at all? Do they just take them so for granted that the plants never even cross their minds? I can't imagine going through life like that. It bothers me that I can no longer identify all the things I could in college, and let's not even talk about the Latin names that I've forgotten.

Some things I will never have

2010-07-02T15:58:00.002-04:00

~ long, shapely legs
~ small, perky breasts
~ clear skin

I also will never be exceptionally brilliant like my sister, incredibly creative like my mom, or even powerful like my dad.

At some point I hope to come to terms with these things. It would help if I could find my niche or something that I excelled at. I would mind being average less if I felt I had something of value to offer the world, but most of the time I just feel like I'm taking up space.

The Return of Ice Cream Season

2010-05-28T17:36:00.003-04:00

We've had some very summer-like weather recently. Hot temperatures always inspire me to want ice cream. I favor a cinnamon bun flavored creation, but will eat a wide variety of flavors of B&J's, whereas my boyfriend only eats some weird half-baked thing (chocolate ice cream! the horror!). His flavor must be the most popular because it is rarely in stock. After pawing through the freezer case, I heaved a big sigh and turned to stomp off. An employee that was stocking nearby heard me and politely inquired if I was finding everything OK. Um, no, as a matter of fact, I wasn't. So off to the stockroom he went to return triumphantly with my ice cream in hand.

So a few days later when I happened to be back at the same store, and yet again found myself pawing hopelessly for the half-baked nonsense, I knew that it might be possible to find some in the back. There was no helpful stocker lad this time though, so I went up to the front near the cashiers and solicited assistance from a manager type. A few minutes later he directed me back to frozen foods where the same stocker lad held several pints for me. Not embarrassing at all. I tried to explain that the ice cream wasn't for me, but he wasn't fooled, taking note as I scooped up a pint of cinnamon buns too.

Next time my boyfriend will be doing the ice cream shopping!

Stop the eating!

2010-05-14T14:36:00.004-04:00

Another side effect of perpetual boredom is weight gain. For lack of anything else to do, I snack ALL day long. For example, I had just polished off a pair of Reese's peanut butter cups courtesy of the evil vending machine, when a co-worker came into my office and poured a big handful of m&m's on my desk. Now this wouldn't perhaps be the worst thing in the world if it wasn't an every day occurrence (well, some version of the story anyway).

Also contributing to the weight gain is the fact that I'm in a relationship now. I always tend to eat more when I'm sharing meals with another person. I eat much less when I eat alone (two rice cakes for dinner, anyone?). Now there are actual meals, eating out, and homemade bread to contend with, not to mention the fact that I keep making cookies.

In the December-January crunch of our busy season at work there is no time for snacking. I was also single at that point, and got down to the thinnest I've been in decades. I even had to buy two new pairs of jeans (size 4!) because most of my others were just way too loose. Sadly enough, they were a short-lived distraction, and now it's back to the "fat jeans" for me.

And exercise? Who has the time or energy for that? Obviously something's gotta give; this is not a good pattern to follow.

Whine, Whine, Whine

2010-05-13T16:54:00.004-04:00

I know that I should be grateful that I have a job at all given the economic state of affairs. And I am. I really am.

I even have really good benefits and a lot of time off. It's just that my job is really, really boring. And it makes me really, really grumpy. And frustrated. And miserable.

We spend most of our lives working (why is that anyway?), so it seems like we should be doing something we at least kind of enjoy. Why don't you do something about your situation, you ask? I did! I took out ridiculous amounts of student loans and got my master's degree. How could I have known the economy would tank? Now not only are they not hiring teachers, they are laying them off left and right.

Enough of this whine. It is time for some fruity wine instead.

Pretty in Pink

2010-04-26T15:06:00.002-04:00

So pink is no longer my favorite color. In fact, it never was. But the color green had been taken by my older sister, and so I was more or less assigned the color pink. This weekend I got back to my pink roots when picking out a motorcycle helmet. The one I liked best was available in pink or black, but the black had to be ordered in my size. Always a fan of instant gratification I opted for pink.

That night we went for my first real ride on the bike (the test drive through a housing development hardly counts). The first couple miles were bordering on terrifying. I was chilled from the wind and super tense. When I finally relaxed, I found myself able to warm up some and enjoy myself. I even kept my eyes open during the last turn into our neighborhood. Probably a good thing we didn't go out on any of the local highways...

I can't wait to go out again as soon as the rain stops and the temperatures warm. Maybe I need a pink riding jacket and some pink riding gloves...

Done for Now

2010-04-24T11:09:00.004-04:00

I went on my second birth as a doula last night. It didn't work out as well as I hoped. I got the call at 10:30 in the morning, but I couldn't leave work because three of the other managers were out. I was doula-sharing, so the other doula headed to the hospital without me, and I called my back-up. Unfortunately she was in an induction and couldn't attend my birth. By the time I got there around 5:30, the mom was almost ready to push. I felt bad about leaving the other doula hanging and not being able to fulfill my commitment to the mom. The experience helped to reinforce a decision I'd already made. Doula-ing just doesn't work in my life right now. Even though my employer is flexible about it, I can't always just up and leave. I'm also not dealing well with the possibility of having to be awakened at any moment in at least a three week window around a due date. I want less stress in my life right now, not more. So I won't be taking on any new clients. Maybe someday my life will be better suited to being a doula and I can take it up again. Because I like doing it. And I think I am good at it.

2009: The Year in Books

2009-12-31T08:38:00.003-05:00

I kept a better and more accurate record of my readings this year than I have in the past. I am pleased to see there are a few more books on the list than there were last year when I was in grad school for the entire year. Once again I have included re-reads (rr) and listed the books in the order they were read. So without further ado, I give you my reading list for 2009:

Journey to the South by Annie Hawes
DragonHeart by Todd McCaffrey
That Summer in Sicily by Marlena de Blasi
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
Girls in Trouble by Caroline Leavitt
Firestorm by Nevada Barr
Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin
Adventures in Natural Childbirth by Janet Schwegel
Promise Not to Tell by Jennifer McMahon
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
The Doula Book by Klaus, Kennell, & Klaus
Endangered Species by Nevada Barr
Frog Haven by Mary Taitt (rr)
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer
The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner
Dancehall by Bernard F Conners
A Lady in the Lake by George Christian Ortloff
Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner
Knit the Season by Kate Jacobs
A Live Coal in the Sea by Madeleine L'Engle (rr)
Family History by Dani Shapiro

Tis the Season

2009-11-07T08:56:00.005-05:00

I finished reading my advance copy of Knit the Season by Kate Jacobs last night. This is the third book in the Friday Night Knitting Club series. It follows the first two nicely, keeping with the feel and tradition. Some of the club members get less face time in this novel, which focuses mostly on now 20 year old Dakota.

The novel picks up at Thanksgiving and runs through the New Year's holiday. It does a lovely job of bringing the festive season to life. Even though it's only early November, it got me into the holiday frame of mind. This was a delicious book in more ways than one. Not only was it a fun and familiar read, but Bess' butter tarts sound divine, and I'm almost tempted to try creating my own holiday garland (although I'd have to crochet it, not being a knitter like Georgia).

This book delivers just what it offers: good friends, knitting, and happy holidays!

A Great Escape

2009-10-30T18:32:00.003-04:00

As I've gotten older my attention span has gotten shorter. Does that sound backwards to you too? When I was younger if I started a book I made myself finish it no matter how much I hated it. These days, not so much. I just don't have the patience anymore to slog through page after page of boring or poorly written crap. I forget now which book it was that was a break through for me. I think it was Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson, but it might have been On the Road by Jack Kerouac or Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. All books that came highly recommended from my sister. Fortunately over the years, she and my mother have gotten better at recognizing what I might like and what it might be best to not try to foist upon me. Sometimes I myself err when picking up a book. Just the other day I had to abandon a mystery in the Anna Pigeon series, of which I'd already read many, in favor of Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner. Judge all you'd like, but I read to escape from my life, so I'd prefer something more interesting and possibly more exciting than I'd be able to offer. I have no interest in reading about the horrors of our world. I know they're out there, and it's just not the escapism I have in mind.

And all I can do is read a book to stay awake

And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape

No Rain, Blind Melon.

Mountain Climbing

2009-09-27T19:48:00.002-04:00

Head over to Lake Loop for a brilliant rendition of our recent hike up Whiteface & Esther. Peaks #4 and #5 for me!

Doula-ing Update

2009-09-23T07:34:00.002-04:00

As I mentioned in the previous post I am mid-way through my fourth book off the required reading list for doula certification. I have one more to read after this one.

Last night I attended a breastfeeding class to meet another requirement. It was pretty neat to be in a room full of beautifully pregnant women. I'm not sure how much I learned though, having already read the material in much more detail in Breastfeeding Made Simple. Next month I start a five week childbirth education series at one of the other hospitals in the area. I decided to split the classes up at different hospitals in hopes of meeting more folks in the field.

Tonight after work I will tag along with one of my doula mentors on her initial meeting with a potential new client. It will be good to see the whole process from the get-go. If the mom chooses to work with us, she should deliver in December.

At the beginning of this month I attended my first birth with another doula mentor. It was the most amazing experience imaginable. It absolutely confirmed that this is something I want to do. I hope that after a couple more mentoring births I will feel ready to go out on my own!

Knit the Season

2009-09-22T08:26:00.002-04:00

My advance copy of Knit the Season arrived yesterday. It's the newest edition of the Friday Night Knitting Club novels by Kate Jacobs. I'm midway through my fourth required reading book for doula certification, but now I have extra motivation to finish that. It's funny to me that I enjoy the Friday Night Knitting Club books so much considering I don't even knit. I do occasionally crochet though! It's the characters and storylines that really grab me, of course. But I can't believe it's time for holiday stories already!

Red

2009-08-29T17:36:00.002-04:00

I'm drawn to red things designed for use during an emergency. Yesterday I rode a shuttle bus from my suburbs into the Fair. As I stood, swaying, and trying not to vomit, packed in like a sardine, I kept imagining pulling the bright red handle on the window nearest me. When I worked as a movie projectionist there was a giant bright red button that would shut down the whole unit. Every shift I would eye it greedily, so tempted to give it a good whack. I never did, and now I can't even remember if I was ever in the room when it had to be used (I was most definitely in the building). Sometimes I'm not sure how I've managed to resist these temptations.

Out Comes the Pedometer

2009-08-24T17:01:00.004-04:00

Earlier this summer I set a goal for myself of a minimum four walks per week. That is my "official" goal, but my more obsessive minded goal is 5, or even 6, walks per week. I've reached my minimum nearly every week (I may have missed once when I was sick), and have often reached my ideal. Yet, I don't look any thinner or feel any fitter. I'd figured after many months of inactivity, any increase would reap the rewards. Alas, that has not turned out to be the case (or at least not in any way apparent to me). Obviously, I can't do much better with my frequency, so it must be my intensity and duration that are lacking. Both of those are a bit tricky because I prefer to bring the dogs along for my walks, and Small Dog can't do much more than 30 minutes at a steady clip.

So today I dusted off my pedometer and clipped it to my capri pants to see if I could find new ways to encourage more activity. Every little bit must help.

Pregnant in America

2009-08-23T09:41:00.003-04:00

This morning I started my day with a big mug of tea and the documentary, Pregnant in America. I first learned about this film through a review in International Doula, the quarterly publication of DONA International. The film covers many current trends in maternity care in the United States, including epidurals and cesarean sections. It also gave a brief glimpse into the birth process in Holland and Germany. I was particularly impressed with the percentage of home births in Holland. I would recommend this film to anyone interested in learning more about pregnancy in the U.S. It is both interesting and accessible, requiring no prior knowledge on the subject.

Spontaneous, me?

2009-08-16T07:38:00.003-04:00

Spontaneous or even fun are not words that can normally be used to describe me. I'm usually pretty serious, sarcastic, and predictable (stuck in my ways?). All of that changed, at least for one night, this past week.

Less than 24 hours before the concert in question an old friend called with an extra ticket. I hadn't seen him in years, and I hadn't gone to a show with him since 1996. I called my boss and begged off work. At the show I rediscovered music I've loved for almost half of my life. I also was reminded that I can have great fun if I just let myself (even while completely sober!). It was also amazing how comfortable I felt with him after all these years. I am far from easy-going and unfamiliar people and settings tend to make me feel tense, but there was none of that on this night.

It was, by far, the most fun and best time I've had in a long, long time.

Random Bullets of too Lazy to Write More

2009-07-31T09:04:00.003-04:00

* Note to self: When going on a trip that will include hiking and canoeing, pack a hat and your Tevas! I had to borrow a hat to protect my head from the deerflies and wear my sneakers canoeing, which made getting in and out so much more complicated.

* I just used baking soda to clean my bathroom sink. It was my first experience using baking soda to clean something, and hello! I'm a convert! The sink hasn't looked this good in years.

* I have finished book #2 from the required reading list for doula certification. I have the next book, but I'm taking a break to read a mystery. My brain needs a rest from having to think. I also started the resource list the other day. I have to prepare a list of at least 45 resources in at least 30 different categories for my area. These include birth centers, lactation consultants, maternity clothes, and addiction services, among many others.

* I've done very well with not sleeping on the couch, better than even I expected. I'm still not getting enough sleep though. I really think my body needs nine hours each night, which is only really practical on the weekends. I would've gotten more than nine last night if a certain loud dog hadn't woken me with his bark.

* I'm still seeing the chiropractor 3 times a week, but I can't really tell if it's helping. I was hoping for dramatic improvement. I won't be able to keep going like this too much longer. It's just too expensive.

* I do love rain on a warm day, but I also need to mow the lawn. Maybe tomorrow? I guess today I will focus on the indoor portions of my to-do list (like the bathroom sink!). I've got laundry in the dryer, and next up grocery shopping!

A Kid Again!

2009-07-21T18:41:00.004-04:00

I ran behind the lawnmower, pushing it as fast as we both could go. Showers were on the horizon and weekend plans will prevent lawn mowing from occurring. I strategically mowed the front parts easily viewable from the road and then zipped into the shady corner where things always grow lush and quick. The sprinkles started to come a bit more frequently as I pushed the mower back into the garage. I was about to kick off my grass stained sneakers when my eye caught the dust-covered bike I had recently unburied and had borrowed my dad's bike pump to fill the old tires. Hastily, before I talked myself out of it, I grabbed a nearby pair of work pants to wipe the grunge from the big, wide seat. I pushed it down through the stones and swung my leg over. Then I was pumping madly up the hill, speeding through the cool raindrops, my hair streaming out behind me. Once around the double block I went and never stopped smiling. I picked up speed down the slight hill and, just like I used to in the old days, came bouncing up through the side yard towards the garage. I must do that again soon!

Amazingly enough I did not die

2009-07-20T19:05:00.002-04:00

The part of the adjustment that seemed strikingly like when people are killed in movies by having their necks broken did have me doubting my survival. There was lots of strange noises, pressure, and twisting. He said I was nice and relaxed, which is far from how I felt, but certainly what I was aiming for. He wants to see me three times a week to deal with a variety of things including uneven hips and curvature in my lower spine. I have reservations about the cost but not about chiropractic care. In some ways I wish I'd never gone because then I wouldn't have to decide between money and health.

Really, what happened to common courtesy?

2009-07-16T19:37:00.004-04:00

Dear Neighbor,

If I put out some orange traffic cones, will that stop your daily guest from parking on my lawn?

Sincerely yours,
Assuming Your Mama Didn't Teach You Any Manners

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Neighbor,

Couldn't you at least carry some plastic bags to give the appearance that you intend to pick up the dog poop?

Sincerely yours,
Next Time I'm Flinging the Sh!t Across the Street and Into Your Yard

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Neighbor,

Must you give me the hairy eyeball every time we cross paths?

Sincerely yours,
Trust Me I Have No Desire to Speak With You Either

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**inspired by the wonderings of Jenny F. Scientist

Definitely Not Female

2009-07-13T17:15:00.002-04:00

I broke my own rule of female-only medical staff today. After losing sleep last night due to my continuing back pain, I decided to call a chiropractor. The older brother of a high school classmate practices in Hometown near where I live, so I called his office and they got me in late this afternoon. Today was just about background information and x-rays. I'll go back next Monday to review the x-rays and set up a plan of attack. In the meantime I'm supposed to be icing my back and not sleeping on the couch. Er, I'll try. I don't have an ice pack (I know, I should've just bought one while I was there) and I hate anything cold. And I sleep on the couch EVERY night for at least 2-3 hours.

I've never been to a chiropractor before, and I don't know how I feel about this. It seems like a bit of a racket. He'll say I need this and that just so I'll have to come every week. That doesn't sound cheap. Plus, he's hot. Let's all imagine how red my face must've been when I told him about the IBS. Maybe I would've been better off with an anonymous woman doctor in the city.

Frustration

2009-07-10T18:09:00.003-04:00

I made an appointment to give blood this afternoon before I knew that today would be our only day of summer weather. I made sure to get outside for a hike yesterday because I'm often too weak after donating to do much at all. The donation experience was pretty wretched. It took almost two hours, most of which was waiting for open beds. The staff just stood around doing nothing. Why didn't they bring more beds? Apparently they also had different bags than I've ever encountered, which drain twice as slowly as the regular bags. So even after I finally got the needle in my arm, I was still there longer than I should've been. I try to donate blood regularly because I know it's important, but they don't make it easy for donors. They call me almost daily, even on holidays and Sundays, at any hour of the day. And then the blood mobiles often appear to be the most disorganized events imaginable. It does not make me anxious to sit through that again any time soon. Plus, now I'm hungry for dinner and lack the motivation to go out and get some food.

Le Tour

2009-07-09T10:21:00.003-04:00

I think I've mentioned my love of Le Tour de France at some point in the past. I love the drama and dynamics of the peloton. I love seeing the countryside and villages that they race through. I love the bunch sprints at the finish line. The mountain climbing amazes me. I have so much respect for the riders. I watch each and every stage year in and year out. It's one of my favorite things about July.

I'm not a bike rider myself, but watching the race still inspires me to get up and outside. To get active and aim for a higher level of fitness. So far I've been doing a good job of meeting my 4 walk minimum per week goal. Next up, I'm going to try adding some free weights. I will aim to incorporate those a minimum of 3 days a week. Hopefully, that will help speed up my metabolism, which I fear may be slowing as I near my mid-30s.

On Yoga and Friendship

2009-07-03T15:22:00.003-04:00

This morning I went to my first ever yoga class. I went with a woman that was one of my temps this past busy season. She and I have been slowly developing a friendship. We were chatty at work, but it's different translating that into a real bond of friendship. I find her a fascinating, generous, and intelligent person and hope that we continue to get closer.

I was a little nervous and anxious at the start of class. I was perhaps overly concerned with getting the poses "right," but it was a beginners class in the first week of a new session so there were other novices present. I liked it quite a bit! I wasn't sure if I would, so I'd paid the drop-in fee as opposed to signing up for the entire six-week session. Of course now I'm quite tempted to go buy my own mat and sign up for the whole thing.

Becoming a Doula

2009-06-28T08:31:00.004-04:00

I have long been interested in midwifery and natural birth. I love reading birth stories of any kind and can't wait to be present at my first birth. The medical side of being a midwife never appealed to me, but as I learned more about the role a doula can play in birth it felt right for me.

These three books helped to lead me to my decision to start the certification process to become a doula:

A Midwife's Story by Penny Armstrong & Sheryl Feldman
Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent
Adventures in Natural Childbirth edited by Janet Schwegel

As well as this documentary:

The Business of Being Born

Yesterday I finished the first of my required readings:

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin

In a couple weeks I'll be participating in a DONA approved training workshop for birth doulas. I'm going to try to read at least one more of the required reading before then. I'm very excited about this process. I feel like after the last few years of being in grad school and not having time for myself and my interests that now I can breathe again. Come alive. I knew that I hated being in grad school, but I hadn't been fully aware of how miserable I was and how I barely existed outside of it. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't living. Now it's time to do what I want.

Summer Plans

2009-06-23T19:39:00.003-04:00

Now that school's out and the weather's nice I've got plans. Big plans.

I plan on walking at least four times a week, with a minimum of three of these walks with the dogs. We all need the fresh air and exercise.

I've been coming up with a list of places I'd like to visit in my general vicinity. So far they include an art museum (for a rainy day), a waterfall, and a mansion with lovely gardens.

I'd like to visit my mother who lives several states west of me.

And I'm planning on starting the certification process to become a doula. My long-range hopes are to serve as a doula during summer break when I'm a teacher. Hey, it never hurts to dream, right?

Purging

2009-06-12T11:23:00.002-04:00

I have a lot of clothes. Even when you don't consider the t-shirts from Second Home Nature Center that could fill up their own dresser and will never be let go. Lately I'll be wearing something (usually a shirt) when I realize that it is either uncomfortable or unflattering (or often both). When it comes out of the wash, it goes straight in the donation bag. I've now collected two small bags to give to the Salvation Army. I'm always afraid I'll change my mind so I've been giving these items a waiting period before I take them away. Plus, I'm sure I can find a bunch more stuff to get rid of in the meantime.

It never ceases to amaze me how much stuff I have. The house is full, and it's all mine. The two small bedrooms and basement need some serious attention, but yuck. Who wants to spend their summer sorting and sweating surrounded by dusty crap? Not me.

Junk in the Trunk

2009-06-09T18:38:00.002-04:00

Yesterday evening when I picked up my parents at the airport, I popped the trunk to load their luggage and was amused with what lives in there year round. Atop needles from my Christmas tree from two years ago is:

a pair of snowshoes
a pair of rollerblades
a folding padded bleacher chair
several old towels for the dogs
a sunhat
a picnic blanket

Do you have permanent fixtures in your trunk?

Reading

2009-06-04T18:30:00.003-04:00

Adventures in Natural Childbirth ed. Janet Schwegel

So far it's quite good. I love reading all the various birth stories. I'm amazed that every one of the women was terrified of labor before they began their journeys toward having a natural childbirth, and most of them continued to hold on to that fear until after the baby was born. Maybe I'm crazy, but labor and delivery don't scare me in the least (all you moms out there, stop rolling your eyes). I've had the baby bug for more than five years, and this book makes me want to be pregnant even more. I will be reading more on the subject for sure because it is just so fascinating.

One of those days

2009-05-30T17:24:00.003-04:00

And yet not all bad.

It started with an early morning trip to take the dog I'm dog-sitting out for a walk. On said walk, I discovered said dog had diarrhea. Upon return to his house said dog shook big old droplets of poop all over the entry way. Which I had to sniff out and wipe up. Then I retreated, quite sure I would return to a house full of poop. Fortunately, that was not the case.

I enjoyed a pleasant trip to the farmer's market where I exercised restraint and didn't buy any more plants to add to the still unplanted primrose and oregano I purchased last week.

Once home I raced inside and quickly changed into lawn mowing clothes. I needed to take advantage of the first and last dry day for a while. But alas, bad mower karma is making the rounds and the mower would not stay running. After three unsuccessful attempts, I was out of ideas and energy. My motivation sapped, I elected to spend the next several hours basking in front of the boob tube while every single other one of my neighbors mowed their lawns to rival professional golf courses.

After another trip to let out Diarrhea Dog (who you'll be pleased to know experienced no further bowel movements, indoors or out) I decided on the spur of the moment to head out to Second Home Nature Center for short walk. Clearly, I could use some fresh air.

So easy even I can make it

2009-05-25T08:44:00.002-04:00

If you like peas, I highly recommend this pea salad:

1 bag of frozen peas with pearl onions
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 teaspoons lime pepper
10-12 cherry or grape tomatoes, halved

Thaw the peas and onions and then stir all the ingredients together in a medium sized bowl. I don't really measure the mayonnaise. Just throw some in until it looks how you want it. It's a tasty and refreshing side-- perfect for summer!

Score!

2009-05-24T09:14:00.004-04:00

One of the temps at my office is moving in with her boyfriend. In combining households she elected to put a handful of items up for sale on craigslist. I decided to buy the gliding rocking chair that had been her grandma's. I've coveted similar models at Target for years that cost about $140 (although that does include an ottoman). For $30 I got one that works perfectly and is quite comfortable. Plus, I helped out a friend and avoided buying new.

I enlisted my sister's help to pick up the chair. How I wish I had a hatchback like hers. You can fit just about anything in there! After we'd loaded the chair into the car, my friend encouraged us to climb to the attic and look over her free garage sale items. I loaded my arms with five throw pillows, a purse, a counter-top wine rack, and a three hook rail to hang by the door from the garage into the family room. I threw her another ten bucks out of guilt and made off like a bandit.

Now I just have to find a place for the chair...

And somehow the stress continues

2009-05-19T19:46:00.004-04:00

Silly me, I thought it would end with the last final. But alas, now my boyfriend is piling on the pressure for me to move out to California, or at least to establish a time line. Stress.

I found out that my host teacher who'd promised to write me a letter of recommendation back in November never did. I sent her a groveling email to which she has yet to respond. Stress.

There are virtually no teaching jobs in my field with openings in either my state or CA. Stress.

Not that I could apply for them anyway without 3 letters of rec. Stress.

OK, even I'm sick of my whining. To tell you the truth, it is the first item that is currently the biggest source of stress for me. So much so that I have gotten to the point where I'm dreading his phone calls. That's no kind of fun.

In better news, I installed my new shepherd's hook and hanging basket of candy cane striped geranium after work tonight. The shepherd's hook leans something awful. I stuck it in the ground about 47 timed and each time it looked worse than the time before. I don't get it. I used to hate geraniums because of their smell (there was one in the window behind my chair at the kitchen table as a kid). My nose lost some of its sensitivity as I aged and my love of geraniums continues to develop. I also purchased two Martha Washington geraniums at the farmer's market, which coordinate nicely with the hanging basket. Gorgeous! (See, now don't we feel better after talking about flowers?)

Flex

2009-05-14T19:27:00.004-04:00

Now that school is over (both for me! and for the institution I work for), I've adopted a flex schedule of four tens. I work Monday through Thursday and have Fridays off. I'm tired all the time and have no time to accomplish anything in the evenings, but I love having a long weekend every week. I really think Americans spend too much time working. We're missing out on life by spending our days parked behind a desk. I also save money on gas because I don't have to drive into the city on Fridays. That's about 30 miles round trip. I wish we could flex all year long. I am surprised at the number of people in my office that have no interest in flex time. Some of them live much closer to the office, so perhaps commute time and gas money have less of an impact on their decisions. Tomorrow on my flex day I plan to mow the lawn and maybe make a trip to Second Home Nature Center. Much better than working!

The Business of Being Born

2009-05-09T11:39:00.003-04:00

If you haven't seen this documentary film, you should.

I am not good at writing reviews. Generally speaking either I like something or I don't. In high school English class I always hated deconstructing stories or poems after we'd read them. For me, it would lose its magic when broken down into a million pieces.

For years I've had an interest in midwifery and a desire for a natural birth should I ever be fortunate enough to find myself pregnant. I think anyone with an interest in learning more about birth practices in America will find this film fascinating.

The Business of Being Born gets 5 out 5 stars from me!

Waiting

2009-05-08T09:13:00.002-04:00

My classes are over. My finals are a thing of the past. I am not walking in the ceremonies this weekend. I am waiting for my grades to post. I need to see them posted on-line to know I did well enough. Well enough for this whole grad school experience to be behind me. Two years of stress, exhaustion, and very little in the way of pleasantness. It feels anti-climatic. I need some sort of closure. I need someone to say that I am officially done. I'm waiting for it to sink in.

Please send my diploma quickly.

Hooked

2009-05-02T19:17:00.000-04:00

I am now officially hooked on mushroom hunting. I've collected two varieties in the past, but I'd never gone after the morel before today. We didn't find tons, but it was quite addicting. And delicious!

Bubble Tea

2009-04-29T19:54:00.000-04:00

I found out yesterday that there is a teahouse in my city. Who knew? Apparently it's been there almost five years! Sis and I had to pay a visit to sample the bubble teas. I've always enjoyed tapioca, so I couldn't resist having it in my tea. How could you go wrong? You can't! So tasty! I can't wait to go back and try some of their other teas and maybe that coconutty dessert.

Summer in April

2009-04-25T18:05:00.002-04:00

It's that time of year again. Farmer's market time! Although the farmer's market is open year round, we wait for the warm weather and the greenery to arrive. Many plants were for sale, but I try to avoid planting until late in May. Instead I picked up locally made yogurt, handmade raviolis, and free-range eggs. It was great to be back, and it will be even better once the locally grown veggies start showing up.

It's also lawn mowing time once again. I finally dug the mower out from under many months of clutter in the garage and fired it up. Bright sun and high 80s made it feel more like August than April. I had to take a cool shower just to recover.

Late in the afternoon I went out for some cookie dough ice cream. All in all, it felt like a summer day!

Alive Again

2009-04-18T09:24:00.002-04:00

I felt alive yesterday for the first time in months. I've been feeling much like a zombie, but yesterday was a whole different story. It was sunny and breezy for my walk. There were spring wildflowers in bloom and the trees even had a hint of color to their aura. I walked so long that I tired all three of us out. Clearly we are all out of shape from this long winter. At home I read, as in recreationally! I finally finished the book I started on my flight back from California over spring break. I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 pages left! It felt so good to read something of my choosing.

Walking and reading, all in one day. What could be better?

Day Off

2009-04-17T11:15:00.002-04:00

I have today off. Off from work and off from school stuff. I had class this morning, of course, but now that that is done I am taking the rest of the day off. I've taken a handful of days off in recent weeks, but they were all devoted to not-fun things like taking all day essay exams or working on a poster. The poster session is in the past, and I passed my masters intensive exam on the first try. In fact, all that remains of my semester is a one page paper and two final exams. So today I will do nothing school-related.

I picked up some sushi on my way home from class. I adore sushi but am fairly limited in my local selection. Grocery store sushi will suit me just fine for lunch though.

This afternoon I will load the dogs in the car and head to the nearby game management area, where I will try to avoid the scary men that lurk there without accidentally entering restricted areas or getting lost. I've been hiking there for almost two decades, but usually with one parent or another to serve as guide.

Tonight I will watch mind-numbing amounts of TV. And the rest I'll just make up as I go.

Back to Basics

2009-04-04T15:53:00.002-04:00

I started writing in spiral notebooks the summer after college graduation. I had a lonely, miserable job in the middle of nowhere. That summer changed the trajectory of my whole professional life. The thing that I'd wanted to do for years became the last thing I could see myself doing. My mom sent me writing books and encouraged me to journal, and journal I did. I filled several notebooks that summer, discovering that I preferred wide-ruled ones because when I got into the act of writing my print got bigger and the college-ruled notebooks made me feel cramped and limited. I also realized that blue ink was my color of choice. Black ink has a tendency to make me feel darker and depressed just by its mere presence.

As much writing as I've done in my spiral notebooks over the years, it's never been about the process of creating. I'm not jotting down story ideas or first drafts of poems. I'm rarely describing scenes around me or even doing any people watching. Instead I barf my anger, my pain, my jealousy, my rage onto the page. I almost always only journal when I'm unhappy. If an outsider were to read my notebooks they would probably reach the conclusion that I am either homicidal or suicidal. Sometimes I think it does me good to get it all out. Other times I feel like it might be making things worse by giving me an unlimited space to dwell, dwell, dwell.

So if you're wondering where I am these days and why I'm not blogging much, it's because I'm filling the blank pages of another spiral notebook. It's better that I go back there right now. This venue just does not provide the same outlet for me.

Pass the spoon please

2009-03-28T14:32:00.003-04:00

I love to see how people react to the first warm days of spring. Today is sunny and in the 60s. People are driving with their windows rolled down. They're riding bikes, and sitting out in lawn chairs or on their decks. Some of them are even wearing shorts.

I'm celebrating the warm temperatures by eating Ben & Jerry's. I haven't eaten ice cream since last summer when I didn't have to be concerned about getting cold. I even turned off my solar heat, although I'll probably turn it back on in a couple hours.

We all know this weather isn't here to stay, which makes it that much more important to relish every second of it. When I'm done gorging on ice cream I'll have to get myself outside.

On the First Day of Spring

2009-03-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

Three crocuses managed to escape the hungry mouths of bunnies. The last couple years the bunnies have nipped off these same crocuses just above the ground. I'm glad they found their meals elsewhere this year so that I could enjoy these happy little flowers, in an otherwise brown landscape. I'm definitely ready to put away the boots and heavy coats. Hello spring, and welcome!

On the Mend

2009-03-21T11:58:00.000-04:00

Little Pup had knee surgery on Tuesday. She was out of it and in a great deal of pain when I picked her up that afternoon. I made her a nest in this blanket (it's one I made) and there she stayed. She had a pain patch on her neck and two other types of pain meds that I've been administering, as well as an antibiotic. She was shaved in three spots for the surgery, the pain patch, and the IV. She looks pretty pathetic. She's starting to be a bit more alert now. She's jumping on and off the couch and climbing stairs, using her three good legs to maneuver. I had to take her in this morning to get three new staples because as the swelling went down they became too loose. Doc says she's doing well and had me bump up staple removal four days. I can't wait until she's all healed and feeling better!

Good Weather Guilt

2009-03-16T17:37:00.003-04:00

I have experienced good weather guilt for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure where it originated, but anytime the weather is nice I feel a constant sense of guilt if I do not get outside to take advantage of it. Perhaps it is related to the fact that our weather in these parts is rather foul- cold & snowy or hot & humid. Good days are sometimes few and far between.

Fortunately, today was another gorgeous day with sunshine and abnormally mild temperatures. After I dropped the little puppy off at the vet for her surgery tomorrow and picked up my car from the mechanic (am I made of money, people?), I took Older Dog for our normal neighborhood walk. Lots of people were out walking their dogs, washing their cars, and doing yard work. It felt great to get out and stretch my legs.

And yet, the guilt is returning. I really ought to be outside picking up sticks or trash from the yard instead of blogging. Sigh.

Back to Reality

2009-03-15T15:43:00.000-04:00

I'm back from California. I had a nice time. It's beautiful there. Flowers are in bloom. We went to several parks and the aquarium. We watched three movies and I read three books. We also watched three great basketball games at a sportsbar.

I've returned home to sunshine and temperatures that rival (or best?) those I enjoyed in California. Unfortunately I haven't been able to walk or do any much-needed yard work. I spent most of the afternoon taking care of my car. I discovered, much to my horror, that my car was brakeless when I retrieved it from the parking garage at the airport last night. Now it's at the garage to be fixed tomorrow, and I've got my dad's sporty version of the same vehicle. He might even ride his bike to work tomorrow it's so nice out.

There's no food in the house and lots of dirty laundry. So that's what I'll be doing for the rest of the day...

A Good Trade Was Made

2009-03-03T20:39:00.002-05:00

The last time I got my hair professionally cut was in mid-December. I wasn't exactly impressed, and parts of the cut have been irking me ever since. I didn't want to go to California with my hair the way it was, but I'm not having a lot of disposable income at the moment. When one of my temps offered to cut it for me, I decided to take her up on it. I know she would've done it for free, but I felt better giving her something in trade. So I got a haircut and she got my like-new corduroy blazer. I didn't like the fit or the color, but she'd admired it the one time I wore it this winter. Better to give it to her in exchange for a haircut than to donate it to strangers.

Taking a Step Back

2009-02-27T16:38:00.003-05:00

I've been getting to work at 7:30 in the morning and leaving at 5:30 at night. My commute on each end is half an hour. Each day I have class sometime during work for either an hour or an hour and a half (plus about 15 minutes on each end for driving and walking to class). All in all, I'm out of the house at least 11 hours a day, assuming I don't need to go anywhere after work. I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm eating poorly, and both work and school are suffering. The only social life I have is talking to my boyfriend on the phone every couple days.

Something had to give. I've decided to cut off half hour on each end of my work day and use vacation hours to cover the balance. After I get back from my trip to California, I may take Fridays off for the remainder of March and all of April. I get a lot of vacation time, but I have problems letting go and stepping back.

I have to get over that though, or I'll be losing it soon. So that's my plan, and I'm sticking to it. (Maybe.)

Here and Not Here

2009-02-19T18:20:00.004-05:00

I don't cope well with stress. This is not new information (remember the eye twitch?). My sister could confirm that even overtime at a basketball game is just about more than I can handle right now.

After spending the last two days obsessively surfing the internet for a new hairstyle that will work with my baby-fine, super-straight, limp-ass hair, I decided a glass of wine was in order. As it is a school/work night I will only have the one, but maybe it will slow down the anxious worrywart that is occupying my brain.

Saturday I take two of my three teacher certification exams. On Monday I have a test in one of my two classes. The week after that I have a mid-term and a 10 minute oral presentation. Don't count on seeing too much of me for the foreseeable future, unless I have more than one glass of wine on Saturday night and start drunk commenting. If I do that, please cut me some slack.

The Carrot

2009-02-07T08:32:00.002-05:00

I am flying to California for spring break. That is the carrot dangling in front of me. That is what keeps me slogging through hours of boring articles. It keeps me going through subarctic temperatures. The picture taken by my BF at the beach that I have set as my background on my work computer keeps me sane when I have four people lined up at my office door and 254 emails in my inbox.

In one month, I'll be winging my way towards warmth, relaxation, and good company.

Give me a few minutes please

2009-01-30T18:14:00.002-05:00

I think it's interesting how different people require different things in the same situation. When I get home from work, I am stressed and tightly wound. I need to decompress. This could be eating, slamming things around, or checking my email. BUT it needs to be a solitary activity. My ex would try to smother me with kisses, and I love yous, and how was your days. That has to wait.

Around the same time I was ending things with him, I spent a good deal of time talking on the phone with an old friend. He said something that really struck a cord. How he would greet his now-ex-wife at the door every day when she got home and shower her with his love, but it hadn't been enough. If she was anything like me, perhaps it helped to drive her away.

I have a good friend at work who is clearly of the same make and model as my ex and my old friend. Every morning as soon as I get to work she's trying to chat my ears off. I'm usually running late and highly stressed. I need to get settled, check my email, and take a deep breath after driving in rush hour traffic. I hate shutting my office door because I want to be accessible, but for my own sanity I may have to try that.

The Return of the Eye Twitch

2009-01-22T19:56:00.004-05:00

It started during my junior year of high school, or wait maybe it was my sophomore year. It doesn't really matter, but I can remember sitting in whichever science it was (chemistry or physics) as the skin beneath my left eye pulsed. Ever since then, it's been a pretty good indication of my stress levels. Twitching eye equals stress.

Less than two weeks into the semester and I'm feeling it. It's busy season at work too. The upcoming certification exams loom large. The weather and lack of physical activity keep me feeling low.

And then I found out someone has made fraudulent purchases with my credit card account.

Twitch, twitch.

Tears of Joy

2009-01-20T19:26:00.003-05:00

Four of us group around a computer watching the start of the ceremonies. I can't commit to pulling up a chair, as I have to leave soon for class. I hurry to the kitchen for a sandwich, passing another computer tuned to the main event. I return and watch more, then hurry to the bathroom. The office is a ghost town, with more than half of the staff leaving in search of TVs. Outside of my suite I can still hear the coverage faintly, coming from other offices and the janitors closet. Back in my office I take another minute or two to watch the computer screen with my co-workers. As usual, things proceed slower than scheduled and I must give up. I turn up the radio in my office as I jam things in my backpack. It is as I am pulling on my snow boots that he takes the oath of office. I pull on my down jacket and wipe tears from my eyes.

Tears of joy.

Tears of relief.

Tears of hope.

One Week Down

2009-01-18T08:44:00.002-05:00

My first week of classes this semester was revealing. Both classes meet during the day, instead of for 3 hours one evening a week. I'd forgotten how short one 55 minute class seems. It is unsettling to go to work, then to class, and then back to work, especially since this is peak season at the office. The classes have between 40-70 students each. They are mixed classes of undergrads and grads, a first for me since I started my master's degree. I was amazed and horrified to watch my classmates texting during class. I am embarrassed for them that they think this behavior is acceptable. And do they really think the professor doesn't see them?

The biggest difference between these classes and the ones I've been taking for the last year and a half is that these are science classes, as opposed to education classes. Clearly that is what's been wrong with my classes thus far. This feels so much more RIGHT.

Trying New Things

2009-01-11T08:30:00.002-05:00

For Christmas, Santa brought me a yoga DVD. I would like to take a class, but I don't have the time or money right now. The DVD has a set for morning and a set for evening. I've tried the morning one only so far, as evenings are filled with phone calls and staring stupidly at the TV. Once I get into a rut of activity (or inactivity) it becomes very difficult for me to adjust my schedule. For example, I fall asleep on the couch every night and stay there until 1-3 AM when I finally drag my butt upstairs and crawl into bed. Even though I know this can't be good for either my back or my quality of sleep, I just can't figure out how to stop doing it. Back to yoga, the dogs were confused and felt that the best course of action was to crawl all over my face when I was lying on the floor. They didn't seem to appreciate that it made it rather hard to focus on my movement and positions.

Come May I Will be Happy Again

2009-01-08T19:47:00.003-05:00

I am feeling a great amount of hatred towards winter right now. It just keeps coming and coming. Snow, wind, freezing rain, repeat. Every winter I question my decision to move back here from Florida. I really, really hate winter. I'm not trying to sound like a whiner; I'm just trying to convey the facts. I have to say, I hope I don't get stuck here suffering these winters for the rest of my life.

On a different subject, classes start next week. Hopefully, this will be my last semester. Ever. I will be ecstatic if I never have to take another class for the rest of my life. I got fingerprinted yesterday, but I still need to register for my certification exams. But it's my master's intensive exam that terrifies me. An all-day essay exam is my idea of Hell. What ever happened to multiple choice?

Is it May yet?

2008: The Year in Books

2008-12-31T20:30:00.001-05:00

What with taking classes three semesters of 2008, my reading list is on the sad side. I included one book I read for school because I read it cover-to-cover and it was not a text book. This tradition of posting my reading list year after year is one I got from Berrybird. I have included re-reads (rr) again this year and listed the books in the order they were read. So without further ado, I give you my reading list for 2008:

Ability Profiling and School Failure by Kathleen M. Collins
Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv
DragonHarper by Anne & Todd McCaffrey
Tallgrass by Sandra Dallas
Track of the Cat by Nevada Barr
A Superior Death by Nevada Barr
The Illustrated Olive Farm by Carol Drinkwater
A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle (rr)
Ripe for the Picking by Annie Hawes
Ill Wind by Nevada Barr
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle (rr)
Knit Two by Kate Jacobs
Hominids by Robert J Sawyer (rr)
Rise and Shine by Anna Quindlen
The Green Glass Sea by Ellen Klages

Saturday With a Friend

2008-12-28T12:15:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I drove one major city to the west to visit my friend, Crunchy Forester. We didn't have any big plans for the day, it was just about seeing each other and spending time together. We went out for a delicious lunch at a crepe place, went to the mall (a place we both hate) to return a sweater she'd received and buy a gift for another celebration I'll be attending later in the week. We got coffee and then dinner. Mostly we talked. And talked. And talked. We talked about the old days and what all our college pals are doing now. We talked about the future, as it is even more uncertain than usual. She might be moving to another state, even further away. We talked about boys and relationships.

And when it was past the time I usually nod off on the couch, we hugged goodbye and I drove the hour and a half home. It was a day well spent.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T08:28:00.002-05:00

I'm drinking tea and watching snow fall lightly through the front window. In a few hours I will head over to my parents house for a home-cooked meal and a gift opening.

I hope everyone has a very merry day.

Enough Snow!

2008-12-23T18:37:00.003-05:00

Seriously. Enough already with the snow. In the past few days I've shoveled the driveway, had it plowed, had the neighbor across the street volunteer to snowblow it for me (thank you!!!), and had FF do it another time.

Which brings us to Sunday night when FF was snowblowing. I was at the bottom of the driveway waiting for him to finish his pass so I could run by up to the house. The snowblower stopped throwing snow and, as I've seen him do a thousand times, FF moved around the machine and reached into the arm. From where I was standing I could see the blades were still turning. Time moved into slow motion and in that moment I knew something awful was about to happen. Then he was screaming and I was running. I counted five fingers still attached, wrapped the bleeding hand in a clean towel, and we took off for the ER. He ended up with 8 stitches and a fractured finger tip. It could have been much, much worse.

I know, and he knows, that what he did wasn't the smartest thing, but if one more person tells me how stupid he was, I will scream. How can they not see how insensitive it is to say that about someone I care about? Especially since I feel guilty because it was my driveway and my snowblower. He can't work for a minimum of three weeks! I have to say that I stayed calm and never freaked out. I'm kinda proud of that.

Bah Humbug

2008-12-20T08:44:00.003-05:00

I am a very bad gift giver. I want to give gifts that people will like, want, and be happy with. It stresses me out. I don't do a good job paying attention to little things people say all year long to be able to put them to good use at the holidays. Part of the problem may be that I could spend ten minutes listing thousands of things that I would be happy to receive, whereas other people struggle to identify one item.

Needless to say, I have not completed my gift shopping for this year. My biggest hang-up is with what to buy for my boyfriend (as a side note, I hate that term). He lives in California, in an apartment I've never seen. He has enough disposable income that he generally buys whatever he needs or wants. Clearly, whatever I get him at this point wouldn't arrive by Christmas anyway. I've been agonizing over this for days, which has resulted in absolute inability to take action on the matter.

I guess I'll go burn off some of my obsessive energies by shoveling. Maybe that will take my mind off my own lack of creativity.

Hair There

2008-12-16T19:16:00.003-05:00

I got my hair cut on Saturday. It's not as short as I wanted it, but after I had her take more off once, I couldn't ask her again. I think I will go back there again though. I liked her and the price was reasonable. My theory is that because my hair is (was) so long stylists are afraid to take too much off for fear I might freak out. That is not my nature, but they can't know that the first time they meet me.

Many people at worked noticed my new hair, which almost surprised me since they've never noticed in the past. The best however was the woman that sits behind and to one side of us at the basketball games. She was practically gushing over my new hairstyle. I almost felt bad that I'd never even noticed she existed before, but I rarely am looking behind me at a game.

It doesn't look all that different to me, but shorter is always easier.

Fresh Eggs

2008-12-07T08:41:00.003-05:00

I used to be able to buy farm fresh eggs about a mile from my house, but now there are no more chickens playing in the grass. The farm appears empty and abandoned. I haven't found a new local source of free-range eggs. During the summer months I buy free-range eggs at the farmer's market, but during the rest of the year I rely on my friend, Bird Watcher, at work to get me some from her friend who has a shop in a small town to the south. She sells local, organic, or healthy types foods at the store.

The egg transfer usually occurs at work, which often garners some attention since it is not usual to see a co-worker carrying a carton of eggs out the door at the end of the day. On Friday as I was exiting with the eggs, I was stopped by a pair of co-workers desirous of an explanation. When I gave them the details, the woman was clearly taken aback.

"How do you know they are fresh?" She asked with apparent concern.

I know they fresh because the farmer walks out and picks them up from under the hen just days before they arrive in my hands (and even sooner if there wasn't a middle (wo)man or two to get through). I have absolute confidence they are fresh. I know where they come from. Once when I got eggs from the farm down the road, the farmer didn't have any cartons already filled, so he dashed into the barn while I waited. Talk about fresh!

How does she know her store bought-eggs are fresh? Because they say so? OK, maybe I'm cynical, but that doesn't do it for me (nor does the whole poultry industry, but that's another subject altogether).

Still Here

2008-12-05T19:53:00.002-05:00

Fear not, my friends, I am still here. The crunch of semester end, the return to work, and a trip to California have all cut into my blogging time. Alas, the end is in sight. Only two projects remain (granted, I have not started either of them) before I can put this miserable semester to bed. It would appear that I will not have to fight to defend my student teaching experience. I feel marginally relieved with this knowledge, but I won't trust it until I see the grade on paper (or on the computer screen as it is, since I believe paper grades are now a thing of the past). This weekend will be spent on the afore mentioned projects and then hopefully I will be able to enjoy some down time come next weekend. I'd like to finish the book I started on the flight back from San Francisco. Really, if it comes right down to it, I'd like to be back IN San Francisco.

Knit Two

2008-11-16T08:30:00.004-05:00

About a month and a half ago my advance copy of Knit Two by Kate Jacobs arrived. I was thrilled but cautious about when I would actually have the chance to crack it open. Well, during the last two days of my student teaching experience, I did just that. I wasn't teaching and I didn't have lessons to plan, so during my free periods I read.

Knit Two is a return to the gang from The Friday Night Knitting Club. Five years has passed and changes are underfoot. Not only is it a return to familiar characters, it is a return to a better story than the author's second novel. It was almost a relief to me to dig into this novel after my disappointment with her last (not that I didn't like Comfort Food, but my expectations may have been too high).

This is a light, easy read, so if you are into knitting and/or stories of friendship and women, this might be a book you want to check out. Read The Friday Night Knitting Club first though.

Last Day

2008-11-14T17:48:00.003-05:00

Today was my last day of student teaching. My host teacher took back the class yesterday with the start of a new unit. She expressed great sorrow at my departure and will be writing me a reference letter to add to my credential file.

Now I have the weekend to pound out some schoolwork of my own before returning to work on Monday. I will be returning to an office that has gone through a system upgrade that I am not familiar with and to an additional eight or so temporary staff that were hired for me in my absence. I don't relish the idea of supervising an entire staff that knows more about the new process than I do.

I am, however, thrilled to be able to start using my big purse again. Since I didn't want to have it in the classroom with me, I've been constantly without some essential item that would've been in it if only I'd had it with me. Money, credit cards, chapstick, the essentials that never made it into my school bag after the weekend. No more hassles of that nature at least.

Panty Pursuit

2008-11-13T16:51:00.002-05:00

I am always in search of the perfect pair of panties. The elastic bands often irritate my skin. I do not want them to rise too high or too low. I often buy a pair to try, determine them to be worthy, and then buy a pile of them, only later to discover that I don't actually find them to be comfortable with extended exposure. I've been wanting to try the so-called boy shorts, so I picked up a two-pack at Tar-jay this weekend. They are comfortable (so far) but weird. They are long in the leg like the boxer briefs some men folk wear. I probably would get used to having to pull down the legs each time I pull my pants up, but I don't know if I want to bother. I certainly don't feel sexy in them, that's for sure. Maybe I need to try the shorter ones that look like hot pants.

Does anyone have any fabulous suggestions on panties I should try?

I Love Your Blog

2008-11-12T20:08:00.004-05:00

Momma Val has bestowed the I Love Your Blog award on me. I am honored and tickled pink. It's always nice to know people enjoy reading what I'm writing.

Part of accepting this award is:

Displaying the award.
Linking back to the person who gave it to you.
Paying it forward & nominating 7 blogs.
Leaving comments on their blogs telling them they’ve received one.
Enjoying the award.

As soon as I can figure out how to display the award I will. I'm having a slow moment. As for my 7 nominees:

OK, that's all I've got. For 6 & 7, I'd give the award to Momma Val and Squirrel Chatter, but they already got it.

Urban Dictionary Meme

2008-11-08T10:11:00.005-05:00

As seen on Smellyann's blog.

Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box in the top right corner and then write the first definition it gives you!
(this is not kid friendly so beware of words and sentences little eyes should not see)

1. What is your name?
Nadine

Very Beautiful, simple the hottest.
Her personality is very kind and generous. Never met another person as wonderful as Nadine

"Wow your so beautiful almost as good as Nadine!!"

(As most of you know, this is not my real name. I was going to put just the definition of my RL name, but any fool would've been able to guess it in a heartbeat.)

2. Your age?
32

A wanksta flip guy that gets 32% in school

Shane is 32.

3. One of your friends?

Melanie
An awesome girl who likes to be ghetto, and pulls it off even when white. Generally pretty.

"Melanie is beautiful."

"And Ghetto."

4. What should you be doing?
homework
Homework: (Noun) a punishment given to students by evil teachers after the students have already put in 7 hours of hard labor.

5. Favorite color?
green

yes... it is most definitely referring to the marijuana... and also, upon occasion, any substance with similar uses. too, properly, of course, it is a golfing term, but that's really not very much fun, now is it?

'yo, where da green at?'

6. Hometown?
****

The pot-smoking capitol of ****.

i live in **** and i have a neighbor whose garage is literally stacked wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling with boxes filled with bags of weed. he sells it from his house during the week and goes to Canada on the weekends to get more. welcome to the pot-smoking capitol of ****.

7. Month of your birthday?
April

a female of wise words. Often regarded as a "panda" person. These types of females are very energetic and friendly, and when you see these types of girls down, you feel down too.

hey, dont feel so down. That's not very april of you.

(There was no definition that referred to the month, not the name.)

8. Last person you talked to?

Mark

noun. A person identified as an easy target, or "sucker". A mark is always the short end of a joke or scam, and is never let in on whats going on. A mark is usually being cheated out of money. It's origin is from old English traveling carnivals from the late 1800s to early 1900s, where workers would refer to people paying to see their made up shows and games a "mark". not from urban gangsters like most people think. Mark is also the origin to the term "smark" or "smart mark" which is a person who know's he/she is being scammed.

This town has a lot of marks.

9. What did you eat last?
donut
a. A stunt performed in a car.
b. Breakfast of champions, admired by Homer J. Simpson.
c. Cop food.
d. Love hole.

10. Your nickname?
****

Someone who manages to make a conversation boring, often by bringing statistics into it.
A **** can also bring silence to the liveliest of parties or social gatherings.

John: Are you guys going to the concert?
Bill: Did you know that over 50% of concerts are held in bars.
Everybody: Silence
John: Bill, your such a ****.

11. Your significant other?
****

a pronoun used in place of a persons real name when one doesn't know the name, is too lazy to say the name, or just wants to say ****. Is often used in conjunction with curse words and/or words describing a woman's attributes.

Commonplace at WT Woodson HS in NoVA

SHit! Look at those bitches titties ****.

or

Naw, fuck that shit **** you know im too lazy.

(I realize that this meme may have been more entertaining with all RL info left in. Too bad, so sad.)

A Privilege

2008-11-04T16:05:00.004-05:00

I stood behind one man, as he chatted with the volunteers behind the desk. I briefly reviewed the layout I would see in the booth. I'm always worried I'll get in there and not know where my people are. That was not the case though. I pulled the curtain closed behind me and took a deep breath. I carefully took hold of the lever and closed my eyes. I'm not the praying sort, but I took a moment to reflect on the importance of this action. I'd been waiting 8 long years for this moment. Then I pulled the lever for president of the United States of America. I made my other choices and stepped back. I just wasn't ready to leave yet. I took it all in and then carefully pulled the handle to open the curtain. It was over too soon.

Another Day in Paradise

2008-10-31T13:32:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my host teacher was grabbed hard on the arm and then shoved into a door frame by a student in my class. I had to fill out an incident report as a witness.

Today I learned that one of the students from the school stabbed someone on the bus (they ride public buses to and from school).

Currently I have three students suspended from one class.

I also had only three students pass the test I gave yesterday.

Two more weeks to go!

My Life line

2008-10-26T08:57:00.002-04:00

This student teaching experience combined with an overwhelming workload from class and a monstrous supervisor/TA would normally cause me to dive into the depths of despair. Fortunately whenever I am feeling close to that, the phone rings. Every night a man from my past calls to chat. We reconnected via the internet more than a year ago and started talking on the phone over the summer. Not only do we have lots to talk about, but he encourages me to get out of the house and do things. I go for walks and send him pictures. I go apple-picking and to local festivals and send him pictures. It makes us both happy and it keeps me from sitting home alone thinking about things that would make me miserable.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark

2008-10-23T17:05:00.004-04:00

In case you've been wondering if I'm still around, why yes, I am. I am having a bit of a rough patch though. Up until yesterday I'd thought my biggest challenge was surviving this student teaching experience. I was just thinking I could see a hint of light at the end of the tunnel (three weeks to go and counting). And then my hateful supervisor once again did her best to imply I'm thoroughly incompetent. Not once has she offered a single helpful suggestion. She has, however, misinterpreted every single thing I say, twisting my words and using them against me (and putting it in my permanent file, no less). I'm beginning to fear that she may actually prevent me from passing the student teaching portion of my program. If I get to the end and find I've done this all for nothing, I can't even begin to imagine how I'll deal with the situation.

I'm not saying I'm the best student teacher. I am saying that every day, I do my best. I deserve to pass. I don't deserve a teacher-of-the-year award, but I deserve to pass.

On a somewhat related note, a second classmate of mine dropped out of student teaching. Now we're down to four people. Why am I the only person that finds this troublesome?

Frost!

2008-10-18T08:41:00.003-04:00

Time to close the storm windows. The outdoor thermometer read 30 degrees when I got up this morning. The indoor one showed 60, which is well below my comfort zone. I will not turn the heat on yet though. I'll drink hot tea and skip my shower (can't face being naked and wet when it's cold). I put a sweater on the little dog, not necessarily because she needs it but mostly because it cracks me up to watch her run around in a bright pink cable-knit sweater. Before you question my sanity, the sweater was a hand-me-down from another chihuahua owner. I would never buy such silliness (well, not in that color anyway).

A Different World

2008-10-15T15:56:00.003-04:00

When I was in high school we had a series of bomb threats. They were taken very, very seriously. Yesterday there were two such threats at the school. I saw no additional police (beyond the ones that are stationed at the school permanently) and no fire trucks. If they searched the school at all, they must have superpowers to have done it in the 10 minutes we stood on the football field while the students ripped cigarettes. I feel safe. Not.

This week happens to be spirit week, which apparently is in short supply among the student body. I saw only a handful of students participating in today's theme (college t-shirt day), while most, if not all, of the teachers proudly sported a variety of athletic wear.

When looking at a crowd of the students there is no way I could mistake them for my former classmates. The clothing, the electronics, the foul language, it's all so different. Today, however, I encountered a boy that could've been straight out of my high school in the early 90s. Hair buzzed fairly short except for one swinging swath of bleach-blond hair flopping across his face. Ah, those were the days...

Win a gorgeous quilt

2008-10-13T19:40:00.004-04:00

No, I'm not giving it away. But Elizabeth Cranmer at Pigtails and Snails is. Go enter!

Hair Care

2008-10-13T08:39:00.002-04:00

On Saturday morning I stopped at the local organic store and picked up a bar of Dr. Bronner's Lavender Organic Bar Soap. I'd read about the all-one bar soap that can be used for body and hair on various green blogs. My cheap and full-of-Bad Things shampoo and conditioner had been driving me batty lately, so I was ready to pursue other options. I decided to look into a vinegar hair rinse too in hopes that it would strip my hair of all the nastiness from the cheap-o crap I'd been using. I can report that both the soap and the vinegar rinse were a complete success. It was neat to use one bar of soap to wash, shave, and shampoo with. And I couldn't believe how great my hair felt after the vinegar rinse. I'll definitely be doing it again!

Tomorrow will be fun

2008-10-09T16:03:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow my host teacher will not be at school. She is attending an out-of-town conference. There will be a sub, of course, but the classes will be mine (including the one I never teach). She has told me that I can and should write up anyone that gives me crap. This kinda surprised me considering the one time I tried to write someone* up she said she'd take care of it. He was neither written up nor was he forced to comply with my request. Talk about thoroughly eliminating any possibility the students might take me seriously. I just wish it wasn't a double-block day tomorrow (I wish that same thing every other day when it rolls around again). I just keep telling myself, make it through tomorrow and you've got a three day weekend. Wheee.

*Someone is currently suspended and therefore should not be in class tomorrow to torment me. Although there are plenty of other likely someones.

An Apple A Day

2008-10-04T16:23:00.003-04:00

I came down with a cold Sunday night. It never got BAD, but it hasn't gone away either. I am sniffly (in the nose) and scratchy (in the throat). It's been almost a week and I'm over it. GO AWAY, you stupid cold. Mowing the lawn last night did not help, since that always makes me more congested. I think I am not doing a good enough job of eating well, especially since I've cut out the meats again. Apparently my diet of carbs and cheese does not cure all ails. Unfortunately laziness tends to trump creativity when it comes to incorporating new things into my diet.

I'm hoping to go apple picking tomorrow, so maybe that will help keep the doctor away.

Lucky Day

2008-10-02T17:08:00.000-04:00

My advance copy of Knit Two arrived today. Now if only I can find the time to read because I am so looking forward to this one. I quite enjoyed the first, The Friday Night Knitting Club.

Salty

2008-09-27T08:34:00.004-04:00

My homemade toothpaste is salty. Once I got used to that it was smooth sailing. The mixture I created is still powdery not pasty, but I just dip my wet toothbrush into the jar and it works fine. I only made a small amount as a test case, but I can see no reason not to continue using it. My teeth feel clean, and that's the point, right?

By the way, I'm storing the toothpowder in a canning jar that came with my house. I've never done any canning, but I love the jars. The only other thing I've used them for is as a vase for my pansies to take to the office. It certainly brought some cheer to my workspace.

It's only 5 years old.

2008-09-22T20:49:00.003-04:00

Student: Is this really you? [Like several others, this student has expressed repeated interest in my college ID which I wear around my neck*.]

Me: It is. [Why else would I be wearing it, you little fool?]

Student: Then you need to fix your hair and get some glasses**. [Score: student 1, teacher 0.]

* Not my idea. The school requires it.
** I was broke at the time the photo was taken and couldn't afford contacts.

Smart Shopping

2008-09-20T20:38:00.004-04:00

Last weekend I carefully went nowhere on Saturday. Everywhere I thought of going would've cost me money. I was not so careful today. I made the normal trip to the farmer's market, but this evening I headed to JoAnn Fabric's. It might be almost 15 years since I've been in there. It was one of the first places I went after I got my driver's license. But I digress.

I went to JoAnn's to search for flannel in the remnants bin. I found a nice piece of bright red and picked up a bit of t-shirt-like cotton in black. I'd decided to sign up for Crunchy Chicken's Cloth Wipe Challenge and needed some material for the job. Following Crunchy's advice I used pinking shears to cut small squares of fabric. My new cloth wipes are in the laundry right now. I still need to work out the details of storage after usage. For those of you that are squirming in your seats as you read this, I'm only commiting to trying this for pee.

After JoAnn's I walked over to the new organic market where I found the peppermint oil I was hoping for so I can make Riana's homemade toothpaste. Now I just need to find a container to store the toothpaste in and I'll be ready to mix it up.

Then even though I was loathe to go there, I popped into Kmart to check for back-to-school clearance items. I like to use 3-ring binders to organize my unit plans for teaching, so I picked up 3 of those that were marked down.

So even though it was smart shopping, it was still spending money when I shouldn't be.

At least tomorrow is Friday.

2008-09-18T19:08:00.004-04:00

My mind is too full (and my body is too tired) to manage more than bullets.
Student teaching is going as well as can be expected. It's not funny anymore. It's just annoying. These kids won't even complete a word search.
I find it bothersome to also have class at the same time. It's too much.
Sometimes I wish I'd decided to pursue my degree at another institution of higher learning.
Last night was one of those nights. I don't think making an entire cohort of second year master's students feel like stupid, worthless idiots is the best route to take. Me thinks if every one of us fails to meet your expectations, you may be partly to blame.
I finally got around to picking up after Ike. I filled three garbage cans with downed branches. The rest will have to wait.
It may frost tonight.
I may close the bedroom window for the first time since spring.
It's amazing how many pairs of really uncomfortable shoes I own. I rotate them so a different part of my feet hurt each day. I'm beginning to think comfortable shoes do not exist outside of sneakers or flip flops.
Don't worry, I still want to be a teacher. I just may have to consume a great deal of chocolate.

Pee-yew

2008-09-13T14:55:00.002-04:00

My good-luck-first-day-of-school flowers had started to fade (OK, they were well past starting), so I took them out to the compost pile. Little did I know there were plastic gems in the bottom of the vase. Afterall, the vase is frosted. What's the point of plastic gems you can't see? Anyway, so there I am picking plastic gems out of my compost pile, which shall we say, doesn't smell like roses. The gems that fell directly into the poison ivy stayed there. Maybe I'll go back for them after the leaves come off or if I can find my gardening gloves. Hopefully the pile will be slightly less stinkiferous by then.

Stress Dreams

2008-09-11T18:38:00.003-04:00

In times of stress I typically have two forms of what I refer to as "stress dreams." Chase dreams involve someone trying to catch me and hurt/kill me. I am running, driving, crawling, trying desperately to stay one step ahead. The other type is usually work-related and takes place in a particularly stressful environment. I used to have these dreams when I work retail during the holidays. It would just be person after person after person demanding my attention. I had dreams that felt similar at the office only it was piles o' crap that needed my attention. Never-ending piles. Well, last night I had my first of the second variety with regards to my current student teaching situation. The entire dream consisted of:

"Miss!"
"Miss!"
"Miss!"
"Miss!"
"Miss!"
"Miss!"
"Miss!"
"Miss!"

Finding a Balance

2008-09-09T19:39:00.003-04:00

I can see already that there are going to be entertaining tales I wish to share. Now I just need to figure out how I can do so in an appropriate manner. Until I find that balance I will have to refrain from talking about the student that was removed from class and sent home due to his state of highness. Or the other student that finally wore a shirt that covered her extensive cleavage.

I will, however, tell you about my moment of fear as I walked to my car after school. Between me and my car were two free-ranging, unattended pitt bulls. Now you all know that I am a dog person, but what you perhaps don't know is that as a toddler I was bitten on the face by a dalmatian. This has made me (understandably) wary of unknown, large dogs. Especially of the pitt bull/rottweiler variety. Fortunately for me, as I approached the dogs I observed several students in the area were unmolested by the dogs, so I forged ahead. Upon closer examination, they were both collared and the female was quite friendly. She came trotting right up to me, wagging her tail and requesting attention. I spoke to her in a kindly fashion but declined to pet her. She followed me temporarily until she realized her pal was less interested in my presence and she went to join him. I couldn't help but notice that he was still fully entact in the male arena, which makes it seem even more irresponsible of the owners to let them roam free. At least the cars near the school were driving slowly enough to notice the pitt bulls when they trotted out into the street. I just hope they stayed away from the busier, four-lane road around the corner and that they eventually returned home.

I also kind of hope they aren't hanging around again tomorrow afternoon.

Bath and Body

2008-09-08T16:53:00.004-04:00

I had a few inches cut off my hair, so I've been trying to skip the conditioner in the shower. I actually don't have any right now, and I'd been hoping to not buy more. I don't care for my shampoo at all though. My hair feels icky even right after a washing. I've been using the spray-in conditioner I bought last winter to help with static, but my hair still feels icky. I doubt it's the lack of conditioner, but I can't bring myself to not use all of this wretched shampoo. Maybe putting conditioner over top it would help?

I've switched to bar soap in the shower and at both the kitchen sink and bathroom sink. I feel like I'm going through bars of soap at an alarming rate though. I think I'll inform my family that homemade soap would make a fine stocking stuffer. Lots of it.

I also ran out of my full-of-Aluminum antiperspirant of late. I'd been thinking of trying the crystal after student teaching was over, so for now I picked up some deodorant from the organic section of the grocery store. No Aluminum or Other Bad Things. Also no sweat-stoppage. Fortunately, I'm not a terribly sweaty or smelly person. I figure if I made it through the 92 degree heat and high humidity on Friday and the hour of walking to and from class on Wednesday without any stink, I'm good-to-go.