I keep thinking about dating. Obsessing over men from my past and random men I encounter in my daily life.
But then I come to my senses. How would a man fit into my life right now? I barely have enough time in the day to get my son and myself to and from daycare/work, feed us dinner, squeeze in a few minutes of playtime and book reading before I have to put him to bed. Then I run around picking up toys and getting ready for work the next day. I shower, crawl in bed, and start all over again the next morning.
It's unlikely anyone else would find me and my life interesting right now even if there was somehow time for them. But I miss feeling like I matter to someone. (Other than blood relatives because yes, I know I matter to you people. You can stop flapping your hands now.)
I am 40 years old with a toddler. I might as well be invisible. I just want someone to SEE me, care about me, make me feel special. It's been a long time since I had a partner who was happy to be with me. Feeling like a burden on someone does a number to your self-worth.
Maybe what I need is a pen pal. Someone to email and text, without the bothersome real life implications. Because I'm sure there are a lot of single men out there dying for a pen pal.
2 comments:
Biker Buddy says to tell you that we found each other at age 59. I told him you probably didn't want to wait that long. He says HE'D find you interesting, and that there are good men out there. He says, tell her, "Do not despair as I once did." (And so did I.) And he says, "in the near future, a year or two, the demands on your time will abate to some extent." And he says, "Remind her she is still a young and desirable woman for a mature man." And yes, we are flapping our hands, of course.
Thank you Biker Buddy and Mary. As you can imagine it is very hard for me to believe that there ARE good men out there after the last year. Which probably just indicates that I'm not emotionally ready to consider dating again...
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