Thursday, April 14, 2005

Suspended State

I feel like I live in a constant state of suspension. Maybe everyone feels this way to a degree, but I can only speak for myself.

Right now, for instance, I am working a temp job destined to end at any time. I have nothing lined up and no idea where I’d like to go. I am always working part-time and/or temporary jobs. I am constantly reviewing careers to potentially pursue. I investigate masters programs but am intimidated by the requirements for admissions or by the program itself. I hesitate to make the commitment of time and funds when I have no idea if I’d even want to be in that field. And so I find another job for another three months and try to think of another possible passion.

Is that the problem- that I expect to find something that I am passionate about? It was drilled into my head throughout my childhood that I could do anything I wanted and that it was more important to love what you do than to make a lot of money. A lot of good that advice has done me- I neither love what I do nor do I have the stability of a good paycheck.

I was the first person to return to this temp job for a second year. Maybe I can aim for a third.

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