Friday, January 30, 2009

Give me a few minutes please

I think it's interesting how different people require different things in the same situation. When I get home from work, I am stressed and tightly wound. I need to decompress. This could be eating, slamming things around, or checking my email. BUT it needs to be a solitary activity. My ex would try to smother me with kisses, and I love yous, and how was your days. That has to wait.

Around the same time I was ending things with him, I spent a good deal of time talking on the phone with an old friend. He said something that really struck a cord. How he would greet his now-ex-wife at the door every day when she got home and shower her with his love, but it hadn't been enough. If she was anything like me, perhaps it helped to drive her away.

I have a good friend at work who is clearly of the same make and model as my ex and my old friend. Every morning as soon as I get to work she's trying to chat my ears off. I'm usually running late and highly stressed. I need to get settled, check my email, and take a deep breath after driving in rush hour traffic. I hate shutting my office door because I want to be accessible, but for my own sanity I may have to try that.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Return of the Eye Twitch

It started during my junior year of high school, or wait maybe it was my sophomore year. It doesn't really matter, but I can remember sitting in whichever science it was (chemistry or physics) as the skin beneath my left eye pulsed. Ever since then, it's been a pretty good indication of my stress levels. Twitching eye equals stress.

Less than two weeks into the semester and I'm feeling it. It's busy season at work too. The upcoming certification exams loom large. The weather and lack of physical activity keep me feeling low.

And then I found out someone has made fraudulent purchases with my credit card account.

Twitch, twitch.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tears of Joy

Four of us group around a computer watching the start of the ceremonies. I can't commit to pulling up a chair, as I have to leave soon for class. I hurry to the kitchen for a sandwich, passing another computer tuned to the main event. I return and watch more, then hurry to the bathroom. The office is a ghost town, with more than half of the staff leaving in search of TVs. Outside of my suite I can still hear the coverage faintly, coming from other offices and the janitors closet. Back in my office I take another minute or two to watch the computer screen with my co-workers. As usual, things proceed slower than scheduled and I must give up. I turn up the radio in my office as I jam things in my backpack. It is as I am pulling on my snow boots that he takes the oath of office. I pull on my down jacket and wipe tears from my eyes.

Tears of joy.

Tears of relief.

Tears of hope.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

One Week Down

My first week of classes this semester was revealing. Both classes meet during the day, instead of for 3 hours one evening a week. I'd forgotten how short one 55 minute class seems. It is unsettling to go to work, then to class, and then back to work, especially since this is peak season at the office. The classes have between 40-70 students each. They are mixed classes of undergrads and grads, a first for me since I started my master's degree. I was amazed and horrified to watch my classmates texting during class. I am embarrassed for them that they think this behavior is acceptable. And do they really think the professor doesn't see them?

The biggest difference between these classes and the ones I've been taking for the last year and a half is that these are science classes, as opposed to education classes. Clearly that is what's been wrong with my classes thus far. This feels so much more RIGHT.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Trying New Things

For Christmas, Santa brought me a yoga DVD. I would like to take a class, but I don't have the time or money right now. The DVD has a set for morning and a set for evening. I've tried the morning one only so far, as evenings are filled with phone calls and staring stupidly at the TV. Once I get into a rut of activity (or inactivity) it becomes very difficult for me to adjust my schedule. For example, I fall asleep on the couch every night and stay there until 1-3 AM when I finally drag my butt upstairs and crawl into bed. Even though I know this can't be good for either my back or my quality of sleep, I just can't figure out how to stop doing it. Back to yoga, the dogs were confused and felt that the best course of action was to crawl all over my face when I was lying on the floor. They didn't seem to appreciate that it made it rather hard to focus on my movement and positions.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Come May I Will be Happy Again

I am feeling a great amount of hatred towards winter right now. It just keeps coming and coming. Snow, wind, freezing rain, repeat. Every winter I question my decision to move back here from Florida. I really, really hate winter. I'm not trying to sound like a whiner; I'm just trying to convey the facts. I have to say, I hope I don't get stuck here suffering these winters for the rest of my life.

On a different subject, classes start next week. Hopefully, this will be my last semester. Ever. I will be ecstatic if I never have to take another class for the rest of my life. I got fingerprinted yesterday, but I still need to register for my certification exams. But it's my master's intensive exam that terrifies me. An all-day essay exam is my idea of Hell. What ever happened to multiple choice?

Is it May yet?