Friday, January 30, 2009

Give me a few minutes please

I think it's interesting how different people require different things in the same situation. When I get home from work, I am stressed and tightly wound. I need to decompress. This could be eating, slamming things around, or checking my email. BUT it needs to be a solitary activity. My ex would try to smother me with kisses, and I love yous, and how was your days. That has to wait.

Around the same time I was ending things with him, I spent a good deal of time talking on the phone with an old friend. He said something that really struck a cord. How he would greet his now-ex-wife at the door every day when she got home and shower her with his love, but it hadn't been enough. If she was anything like me, perhaps it helped to drive her away.

I have a good friend at work who is clearly of the same make and model as my ex and my old friend. Every morning as soon as I get to work she's trying to chat my ears off. I'm usually running late and highly stressed. I need to get settled, check my email, and take a deep breath after driving in rush hour traffic. I hate shutting my office door because I want to be accessible, but for my own sanity I may have to try that.

8 comments:

Electronic Goose said...

I am the same way as you. I need to gradually get social when starting or ending my day. My mom used to tell people that I "wasn't a morning person," but it was just that she would run up to me first thing, throw open the blinds, and start chattering away. I need some time for my thoughts, some space. Unfortunately, with Bean now, I can't really do that after work, so I try to decompress on my bus ride home. Doesn't really work, at least not yet.

jo(e) said...

My youngest kid is like you. When he gets home from school, he needs to go play the piano for awhile before he's ready to talk to anyone. When my husband gets home, he disappears upstairs, saying he wants to change his clothes, but mostly because he needs some quiet time by himself before joining the household.

I think part of the challenge of a relationship is figuring out what the other person's needs are -- and then respecting them.

Stacy said...

Yeah, I'm the same way. When I get to work - I need a good 10-30 minutes before I'm really approachable. I need that time to settle into my work routine and start my day off right. I've explained to my coworkers that I'm just not a morning person - and after time they slowly gotten the jist that I'm not going to be much of a chatter until mid-morning. Shutting my door just made matters worse for me- they kept asking what was going on - why my door was shut.

BerryBird said...

Yes, I am susceptible to that as well. It drives me freaking batshit when people approach you at work in the morning before you even get your coat off. I want to get my coat hung up, my lunch stashed in the fridge, a cup of tea brewing, and my computer booted up before saying anything besides hello. Coming home is not as bad for me because listening to NPR on my commute generally calms me down somewhat.

coffeypot said...

There are plenty of hours in the day to keep your door open. However you need YOUR time to get your ducks in a row. It is important for you to do this in order to make it throught the rest of the day, so shut the damn door.

Momma Val said...

I am the same as you too. I do not work right now but I have always been wired like that. I need some space and want a hello kiss but will gladly elaborate on the day after I go pee, take a few breaths, and flip my work/home switch. I hear ya!

Jennifer said...

I'm like you. I got lucky with my husband - he knows that when he comes home from work and I've been with the kids I'm going to pass off the kids to him and totally ignore him for a bit. Lord, I can't imagine if he actually expected me to be all welcome-homey!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I think I am more like you--I need solitary time and time to decompress--transition time--between activities--even good ones sometimes. None of that smothering me with kisses stuff--it just annoys and agitates me. UGH!

LATER I would like some of that. Maybe. (LOL!)

I had people like that at work that drove me BANANAS! AK! I would literally hide--sometimes in the bathroom--to avoid them, sometimes.