Random Updates

Work:  Saturday was my last day at part-time job #2. It is such a relief to be done there. I enjoyed the experience much more than expected, but retail is hard on pregnant bodies. All that standing, yo. I am in awe of women that waitress or work in retail right up until they give birth.

Pregnancy: I am now 34 weeks along, with 6 weeks to go (assuming a standard 40 week pregnancy). All goes well. I am fairly uncomfortable most of the time, as can be expected. I'm wearing a lot of slip on shoes. At 36 weeks (our next appointment) we have a sonogram to check the boy's position and estimate his size, etc. Our last sono was at 18 weeks, so I'm really looking forward to seeing the little guy again. We met with a pediatrician and toured the birth center at the hospital, so I was able to check off a couple baby-related items from my 2015 To-Do List.

Reading: Or in this case, re-reading: The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin. I read it years ago for my doula training but decided a refresher was in order.

Watching: All the 1/2 hour shows about people buying houses on the beach, in the Caribbean, on Hawaiian Islands, or other warm parts of the world not currently buried in snow and experiencing record breaking low temperatures. I've hit my personal wall with this winter. It's bumming me out.

lawn chair in our front yard

For Fun: We visited the 1890 House Museum a couple weekends ago for a guided tour, followed by an early dinner at Ciao in Ithaca.

sitting area in the turret in the master bedroom

the Fernery was added in the 1920s

the library

We like history and such. And wood-fired pizza, of course.

Random Updates

Since none of these items really merit their own blog  post, here is a collection of random updates:

Green Smoothies: I've been making green smoothies almost every day since late December and am still 100% on board with this activity. I finally tried using kale instead of spinach. I was not immediately won over, but as I've gone through the container I am more and more convinced. I think I prefer the taste and texture of the spinach slightly, but the kale has lasted much better. None has gotten slimy or weird, which the spinach does fairly quickly. Plus, I think I'm getting more smoothies from the same sized container of kale than I did with the spinach. Win, win. I've also branched out and tried different frozen fruit, although the selection at my grocery store is disappointingly poor, especially if I stick to the organic options. Right now I'm on a blueberry kick. One of my friends mentioned she throws in a few baby carrots, so I've been adding 2-3 of those to each smoothie now. Some other things I want to try including at some point are: avocados, cucumbers, mint, and pears.

April Purge: While an April purge was a lovely idea, the reality of identifying one item per day to get rid of was much harder than I anticipated. It turns out that I don't operate well under those restraints. Apparently I work better in spurts during which I might get rid of 5-7 items before losing interest. I didn't want to think about it every day and I didn't want to stop at just one item when I did work up the motivation. In total I got rid of 15 things, which is better than nothing, but not as good as the 30 I'd hoped to purge. If I do this project again, I would structure it differently: 30 Things in 30 Days. That way I could do it all at once or anyway I felt so inspired. But frankly, I'm still feeling unmotivated on the topic as a whole. I need someone else to just come into my house and throw everything away.

Working: I briefly mentioned some work plans in this post back in January, but thus far things have not actually gone as expected. Most importantly, I do not regret leaving my last job. Not even for a second. It was slowly killing me. I have been happier in these last few months than I would've believed possible. I love the work I am doing part-time for our friend's business. It is such a comfortable and casual environment. It's so unusual for me to not dread having to go to work. Who knew the dread wasn't mandatory! I have not been working at my husband's business, for whatever reason, and I'm totally fine with that. I will also be fine if something changes and I am needed. The only source of negativity is the associated financial stress of a significantly lower income. It's been challenging to adjust to a lifestyle of spending NO money. Obviously, I still have expenses (bills, gas, birthday gifts, etc.), but other than the necessities, I've made every effort to prevent myself from buying the things I would've bought in the past. I have to keep telling myself that I don't need said item. And reminding myself that the sacrifices are completely worth it since it means not working a job I hate. I don't know how long I'll be able keep it up, and I know it's not a situation that would appeal to everyone. But everyone has different priorities, and making and saving tons of money has never been on my list.

Friday Five: Gratitude {2}

We're neck deep in another painfully cold stretch of weather. The kind that requires polypro long underwear and a Buff pulled up over your nose when you're outside for more than a few minutes. At least I need these things to feel even remotely comfortable. I'm trying not to think about how scary the next heat bill will be. So it seems like a good time to review a few things I'm grateful for right now:

1. Hot tea. I can't start my day without a big mug of English breakfast tea. I prefer it strong with a hint of sugar and a splash of milk.

2. Dog fence. Last spring we installed a fence around a small area of the backyard, accessible from the back door. For the first time since I brought my first dog home 14 years ago I don't have to bundle up and go outside every couple hours. I was thankful during rainstorms over the summer, but it really became obvious how the fence was worth every penny we paid when the temperatures fell below zero. Best. Thing. Ever.

3. My elliptical. A couple winters ago I was panicking about my inability to exercise because of the cold and snow. I obsessively monitored craigslist until I found a basic elliptical model for sale in our town for cheap. We nabbed it and set it up in the family room (a room we use only for storage of crap). I eventually discovered that I am able to read my Nook while using it, which has allowed me to use it for longer periods of time (and more frequently because, frankly, it's maddeningly dull without a novel to distract me).

4. My Subaru. I had lusted after Subarus for years. They were my dream cars, I kid you not. No Beemers or Corvettes for me. All I wanted was a Subaru. Well, a hatchback, manual transmission model to be more precise. Almost 4 years after buying my Impreza I still love it every day all year round, but when there is snow on the road I am especially grateful for its all-wheel drive. As long as I live in snow country I will never own another two-wheel drive vehicle. But really, I can't foresee any reason why I would ever buy anything but a Subaru ever again.

5. New opportunities. My husband recently partnered with a friend in a local business. It's a successful, established business that has been growing over the last several years with advice and assistance from my husband. Now he is a full partner in the business, and I will be working there. I gave my two weeks notice at my job (BRAVE) and worked my last day yesterday. To say that I'm excited would be an understatement. I will also be working part-time for another friend of ours. I start training at his office this coming Monday. The event I worked this past Monday was for his business as well. Leaving the security of my job was a little scary, but I am so thankful to be away from that stifling environment. The last two years there have been soul-killing and confidence stealing. I am ready to find myself again and rebuild my self-confidence.

What are you grateful for today?

You can read my last Friday Five: Gratitude here.

We are doomed

I started a new job at the end of September.  It is a part-time, no benefits, fairly low paying job.  And yet, I am finding it quite stressful and anxiety producing.  Every day I am astonished at how rude, inconsiderate, and just plain nasty these kids are.  They lie, they cheat, and they do it looking you square in the eye.  The last time I worked with kids (about 15 years ago) they were no where near this miserable.  I want to shake the parents and holler at them, "teach your kids some manners and common decency!"

Every day I plaster a smile on my face and hope the kids are less evil than the day before.  So far I've been disappointed every day.  I find this a worrisome reflection of our society.

(Obviously there are a few good eggs, but the vast majority are extremely unpleasant.)

It may be time to start looking for yet another new job because I don't know if I can keep up the good cheer.

Greener Grass

I really, really like not working. (I know, you're thinking, who wouldn't? Well, hush up, we're talking about ME right now.) I think I was born in the wrong decade, possibly in the wrong century. I would be perfectly happy to stay home, clean the house, do the dishes and laundry, and mow the lawn. Obviously cooking is a sticking point, so we'll just skip right over that, since I am fortunate enough to have a man in my life that enjoys cooking.

July is a delightful time of year to be unemployed. I get to watch every stage of Le Tour de France. I get to go for walks every day. I spend hours reading and usually do some writing, too (well, journaling might be more accurate). I also spend a good amount of time job hunting because, unfortunately, I have bills that must be paid. Eventually my money will run out and I will be in trouble.

So I must hope to find a job before that happens, even though there is nothing out there in the world that I would rather be doing than what I am doing now. I am just not drawn to any career or calling. I have no passions that can be translated in to paying jobs (unless someone wants to pay me to walk or read? Yeah, I don't see that happening either.) Someone recently described my work history/life as being like that of a gypsy. While I think that is a bit of a stretch, I can only tolerate doing something unpleasant for so long. Given that I find working unpleasant, it is probable that I won't ever stay in one job for the decades (or lifetimes) typical of previous generations. I'll probably always be looking for greener grass.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my unemployment while it lasts and try not to let worrying about finding a job or running out of money ruin it for me.

Vent-a-licious

My friend Melanie recently implied that I'd forgotten how to blog. And perhaps she's correct. I'm not feeling very creative. It seemed as though my blog had turned into a big, old vent. Complain, complain, complain. But then again, I started this blog as an extension of my spiral notebooks. And frankly, much of what I do in my notebooks is vent. It gets it off my chest and out of my mind, thus preventing some major dwelling. And me, I'm prone to dwelling. Besides, I'm quite sure there's no one left reading this little tiresome blog, so I might as well use it to my benefit.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that I am still singing the same old tune. The "I HATE my job" tune. Because, to be honest, I hate every single thing about my job, except for the fact that I have my own office with a window and a door. Beyond that I hate everything I do, I hate "the company," and I hate my commute.

Another thing I hate is hand washing dishes. I bought a dishwasher so that I would never, ever have to hand wash dishes again. But I've found one time that I don't hate it, after finally getting home almost 11 hours after I left, after an excrutiating hour in the car, cursing at the drivers around me, with a throbbing, pounding headache from blasting the heat in an attempt to melt the giant blocks of ice from my windshield wipers. As I sit here typing on my laptop I keep realizing that my shoulders are clenched tightly up around my ears. Even after I force myself to relax them, they creep right back up.

I know some of you (I'm going to pretend I actually still have readers) are thinking to yourself, work isn't supposed to be fun, that's why it's called work. I understand that in theory and maybe I just don't have as strong a constitution as you all. Feel free to condescend all you want (to yourself or those around you), and I will continue to curse you out in the quietude of my little brain.

So I'm telling you this right now. I can't do this much longer. I will NOT be working at this job at this time next year. No matter what. So there. The end.

Flex

Now that school is over (both for me! and for the institution I work for), I've adopted a flex schedule of four tens. I work Monday through Thursday and have Fridays off. I'm tired all the time and have no time to accomplish anything in the evenings, but I love having a long weekend every week. I really think Americans spend too much time working. We're missing out on life by spending our days parked behind a desk. I also save money on gas because I don't have to drive into the city on Fridays. That's about 30 miles round trip. I wish we could flex all year long. I am surprised at the number of people in my office that have no interest in flex time. Some of them live much closer to the office, so perhaps commute time and gas money have less of an impact on their decisions. Tomorrow on my flex day I plan to mow the lawn and maybe make a trip to Second Home Nature Center. Much better than working!

Taking a Step Back

I've been getting to work at 7:30 in the morning and leaving at 5:30 at night. My commute on each end is half an hour. Each day I have class sometime during work for either an hour or an hour and a half (plus about 15 minutes on each end for driving and walking to class). All in all, I'm out of the house at least 11 hours a day, assuming I don't need to go anywhere after work. I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm eating poorly, and both work and school are suffering. The only social life I have is talking to my boyfriend on the phone every couple days.

Something had to give. I've decided to cut off half hour on each end of my work day and use vacation hours to cover the balance. After I get back from my trip to California, I may take Fridays off for the remainder of March and all of April. I get a lot of vacation time, but I have problems letting go and stepping back.

I have to get over that though, or I'll be losing it soon. So that's my plan, and I'm sticking to it. (Maybe.)

It's Nice to Know They Care

And care they do. My office had a going away breakfast for me today, giving me both a small bag of school supplies (pencils and Sharpies, etc.) and three big boxes of groceries. The boxes contain lots and lots of food, as well as toilet paper, laundry detergent, and dog food. And a $20 gift card for more groceries.

Unfortunately, it made me cry. Yup, I cried in front of my entire office. Lordy, how embarrassing.

Burying my head in the sand

The more time that passes between posts, the harder it is for me to think of something to say.

I am so busy, busier now than I've been so far this semester. A lot of my bigger projects are coming due for school, and I'm training and hiring a crop of temps for the coming "busy season" at work. I can't get any work done while I'm at work, so when I get home from class at night instead of working on schoolwork, I'm working on work work. And I don't like like it. (Is that from The Wonder Years?)

Today was the last day of my suburban placement, but because of the chaotic nature of my urban placement I still have 6.5 hours left to clock there. To say that I am less than thrilled would be an understatement.

It's registration time and I don't even want to think about how I will coordinate my classes next semester with a reasonable work schedule. For now I am taking the ostrich approach and ignoring it altogether.

I'm also taking that approach with the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. If I ignore it, maybe it won't happen. So far I'm thinking it just might be me and the parade and the heck with the rest of the world. Sometimes I think being a hermit sounds like heaven.

Enough of this; I have to take out the trash.

Spots

No, I am not referring to the paint job. That actually looks pretty good.

The spots I'm talking about are on my throat. I drank three cups of Throat Coat tea at work today as I talked my way through six interviews. Don't you wish you were shaking my hand? Ha! All that talking did nothing to help ease the discomfort.

And tomorrow... three more interviews and an exam on child health and safety. I think I'd better go lie down.

Bullets of Too Busy For Anthing Else

• Before I knew I was starting my master's program this semester I agreed to lead a birthday party Saturday. Now I am kicking myself. The small fee I get paid is not worth the added stress and the loss four hours of prime studying time. I have two papers to do over the weekend. I wish there was some way I could get out of doing the party, but there isn't. At least the weather should be pleasant and warm.
• My new girly doctor seems very nice. English is clearly not her first language, but she is much easier to understand than my last one. I think I talked to her more today than I ever did with my former girly doctor who I saw for years. Now I'm just hoping all goes well and I don't have to go back for 12 months. What a joy that would be. And a novelty.
• This has been one of those weeks when being management ain't all that much fun. It's a lot like babysitting. How old are these people anyway?!
• Contractor finally returned this morning after a nearly 3 week hiatus. He's more or less insisting that I go to H0me Dep0t tonight to pick out the vanity top for the new bathroom. I feel like telling him I'll get to it in a week or two.
• FF had gotten me six tiny pumpkins to line my front steps with. This morning I discovered one had been all but devoured by the rat-bastard squirrels. Two more were no longer pristine. I brought the remaining three inside to protect them. Between neighborhood youth and evil rodents, how can I enjoy my festive pumpkins?
• I still haven't watched the season premiere of Prison Break, which I love. All of the other shows start next week. Thank goodness I have a DVR. I don't know how I'll keep up with both my homework and my TV!

No Cake For You

I had two birthday parties yesterday. For those of you who don't know, I freelance as a naturalist at Second Home Nature Center, leading nature-themed birthday parties. I usually limit myself to one per weekend. Yesterday I agreed to do the second because it sounded like I was needed and because I'm feeling the need to possibly take advantage of all opportunities to make a little extra money.

The parties are an irregular income at best. For much of the year I am often not needed, as there are interns on staff to cover the workload. But when there aren't interns available they will call me.

The two parties yesterday were "pond dipping." That means that we hiked out to a pond and used small nets to look for tiny creatures. The kids usually get the most excited over frogs, but I try to show them that the smaller animals and insects are just as interesting. Yesterday we caught crayfish, tadpoles, dragonfly larvae, water boatmen, and tons of fingernail clams. And of course, the obligatory frog.

(I just realized as I was typing this that I completely forgot to put away the pond-dipping supplies. I'd left them outside to dry in the sun. Crap. I'm so stressed that I'm not even thinking straight.)

But at least both parties were a success and everyone seemed pleased. Except the one mom that was insulted when I suggested I thought the frog was actually a bullfrog, not a leopard frog. Aside from her, all went well.

Still no cake though. Can't anyone spare a piece of cake for the nice naturalist?

Bullets of too tired to write more

• My birch tree is being devoured by Japanese beetles. They are practically swarming. The leaves have been reduced to lace and are scattering over the lawn.
• What is happening to le Tour de France? I nearly drove off the road on my way home from work when I heard about Rasmussen and Vinokourov on NPR. What on earth...
• Construction has commenced! The hallway and linen closet have been framed in. Siding is in the driveway. Wow.
• I finally started training my replacement at work today, which means that I may get to assume some of the tasks that go with my new position someday soon.
• Things are so unsettled at work right now. Practically every week things change. It's a bit stressful.
• I've been rereading A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'Engle. She is one of my all-time favorite authors. I find her writing so inspiring.
• As a result, I've been journaling again. I had stopped journaling in my spiral notebooks altogether since the break up with FF. I'd dumped so much into them during that time that I had negative associations with the whole concept. It feels good to be journaling again. It was something that I let slide during much of our relationship, so it feels good to regain the things that matter to me.
• I continue to meet my weekly goal of a minimum of two walks per weekend. In fact, I exceeded it by one walk this week. Go me!

Business Cards

For the first time ever, I am now in possession of business cards.

I am both amused and alarmed that I may actually need them.

In just over a month I will start hiring my first round of temporary staff. I better add straighten up my office to my to do list.

I can see for miles...

During the summer I work four ten hour days so that I can have a three day weekend. Usually that means that I don't take a lunch at all, rather I eat while I work or during a fifteen minute break.

Yesterday was just too beautiful, and I felt I'd been cooped up long enough. I changed into sneakers, grabbed my camera, and headed out for a walk.

This picture makes it hard to believe that I work within the city limits, doesn't it?

J is for jeans

I would like to thank a creative co-worker of mine who suggested to our boss that since July starts with a "j" we should get to wear jeans all month long.

A whole month of casual! My office has little or no contact with the outside world, so there's no reason that we should have to dress up.

It was also suggested that the same rule would apply for January and June, so there's hope for those months as well in the future...

Friday Frustrations

The load of stone that was delivered on Monday remains piled through the upper portion of my driveway. The neighborhood youth are using it as a bike jump while I'm at work. I really wish people would respect boundaries. As in mine, not yours. Supposedly the stones will be spread this afternoon, but I've heard that line before.

A job has been posted at my alma mater that I really want. But I feel it would be unethical of me to pursue it, given that I've only been in my new position two months. I wish I'd never seen the listing. I also wish my current position was more inspiring.

At least I am wearing a low cut shirt.

Because that's about all I had going for me when Mr. Cutest Co-Worker Ever came by my office for our meeting. He has three master's degrees for god's sakes (he's a year younger than me!), and unfortunately I seem to turn into some sort of blubbering idiot when he's around. Or an airhead with a vocabulary of a second grader.

It's a good thing he doesn't work in my department, or people would start wondering how I got this job. But at least the scenery would be nicer.

OK, back to reality.

Those napkins should come with a warning.

We had our annual appreciation party at work today. It was catered by a famous local barbeque joint and held in our conference room. The Big Cheese attended and gave a long speech. He's my boss' boss' boss; our yearly holiday parties are attended by many hundreds of people, all of whom fall under his umbrella of power.

When he arrived (I didn't know he was coming), I couldn't help but think perhaps BBQ wasn't the best food for the occasion, no matter how tasty.

When I'd just about finished eating I noticed that my hands were quite pink. A co-worker realized and pointed out to those of us sitting nearby that the red checkered paper napkins were staining our fingers.

When my boss got up for her speech, she had a large pink goatee. But at least she's got good hygiene.