Journaling and what it means to me

I prefer to write in full sized, wide ruled, spiral bound notebooks. The cheaper the better. My pen of choice is a Pilot Precise Rolling Ball with a Fine tip and blue ink. I will, of course, write in other notebooks with other pens if the situation presents itself.

I started journaling this way during the summer of 1998 and have been at it ever since. In a perfect world my goal would be a 3 page minimum every day. These days that is not realistic.

I don't write in my notebook as creative practice, although I have used it as a place to write first drafts of poems and stories. I have always used my notebooks as a dumping ground. A place to get what is in my head out. To vent.

I see my sister once or twice a month with children in tow, my father even less. The kids make conversation difficult at best. Aside from that, the only adult person I speak to on a regular basis (beyond the small talk, wow, it's cold outside types of conversations) is my boss and we have nothing in common. We are cordial, but we are not friends. That's it. That's the extent of my in person adult contact.

Even texts and emails are primarily limited to exchanging pictures and occasional brief commentary on activities.

Everything is just stuck in my head with no outlet. It finally occurred to me a few days ago to pick up the pen again. Even though I'd declared my intention to journal more in 2018, it was merely a casual wish to restart the regular practice. I hadn't made the connection until I put the pen to paper the other day that if I don't have anyone in my life to talk to, I should at least "talk" to myself.

First Snowmobiling Outing

Sunday morning I finally felt well enough to go for a ride on our new (used) snowmobile. We drove to the same town park adjacent to the Erie Canal that my husband had ridden from the day before with his friends. Since it was my first outing, he wanted to stay on trails he was familiar with to ensure it went as smoothly as possible.

The first four miles we covered were miles I knew very well. I walk them regularly during the summer months, so it was fun to watch the familiar scenery fly by. We continued along the Erie Canal on a section I've never walked (note to self: walk this!) before turning onto a road to cross a bridge over the NYS Thruway to enter woods and fields on private land.

In the last few days I've learned a little about the sledding culture, but I'm sure I've still got a lot to learn. I had no idea there were official, maintained snowmobile trails (which is what we rode on for the entire two hours we were out). I also had no idea that joining a regional club got you a discount on your sled registration.

My husband is having a new seat made, which will hopefully give us a few more inches and allow for a bit more comfort on our next ride. This sled could be the trick to making winter more tolerable. Fingers crossed!

Learning Italian

My grandfather started teaching me French in elementary school. I had a small 3-ring binder in which I would write the new words and phrases phonetically. Grandpa was a master of languages and was fluent in at least a handful. Both my mom and dad had also taken French in high school, as did my older sister, so quite a bit of franglais was spoken in our home.

In school the first available language classes were offered in 7th grade for one semester. Naturally I started taking French and continued through my senior year, accruing 5 1/2 years along the way. I excelled at French because the methods of learning were based on memorization. (I later found equally solid footing in Dendrology during college. Yay for rote memorization!)

French was not only the class I routinely received the highest grades in, it was also a favorite subject and taught by one of my favorite teachers. We called her only Madame (Mme), pronounced with our best French accents. Another French teacher was not accorded the same respect. She was called Madam X, using the English pronunciation and her full last name. Usually said with disdain.

During senior year, Mme cooked with us on Fridays, hosted movie nights at her house, and generally allowed herself to become somewhat cozier with the students. I had every intention of someday traveling to France and of course, maintaining my use of the French language. Ah, the naivety of youth...

Off to college I went, where first semester I took Italian. My professor spent the whole semester scolding me in front of the class for speaking Italian with a French accent, which was odd because even though I excelled at French in high school, no one ever accused me of having a well-honed French accent. Then I transferred to a small science college, where the main focus was on SCIENCE and the rest is history.

My husband and I have been talking about taking a trip to Italy ever since we started dating. We both have Italian heritage (I am 1/4 Italian through my mom, he is 1/2 Italian also through his mother) and both place Italy as number 1 on our international travel wishlist. From the beginning we also talked about buying Rosetta Stone for Italian, but it wasn't until this past fall that we did. My husband decided it would be our Christmas gift to ourselves.

Unfortunately, his enthusiasm flagged fairly quickly, whereas mine has not. The way it is taught feels almost like a computer game (nerd alert!), so in small doses it is actually quite fun for me. I miss the way languages were taught in high school though- the long lists of vocab words and verb conjugation. I miss the way I could memorize definitions. I'm still memorizing now, but I'm memorizing images with words or phrases that have no English translation. Sometimes I have no idea what the pictures are supposed to depict. I remain unconvinced that this is a superior learning technique. Maybe by the time I complete the course I will change my mind, but at least for now I'm enjoying the process.

While learning Italian isn't brave the same way leaving a job or starting a new one is, I think deciding to learn a new language in your late 30s does require some bravery. So here's to being BRAVE in 2014 and learning Italian!

(This is not a sponsored post.)

Around the house

When my sister acquired a new DSLR she generously gifted me with her old one. I've been itching to play with it, but I am not so inspired as to want to brave the negative wind chills. Not even with blue skies and sunshine, a rarity in this area during the winter. Instead I decided to try to find things INSIDE the house worth photographing.

It turns out that this is harder than you might think, especially when attempting to avoid the dust and cobwebs, without, you know, cleaning. My laziness knows no bounds.

These photos show glimpses into our dining room, family room, kitchen, and master bedroom. I know these are no photographic masterpieces, but I also know that the only way to get better is to take lots of pictures and just keep experimenting and playing.

But first... I better go do some dusting.

Handmade Gifts

At our friends holiday celebration the other night we were gifted three homemade items: grape jelly, beef jerky, and sugar scrub. These gifts which our friends made by hand with us in mind mean more than any scented candle or bottle of wine possibly could.

I like to buy handmade gifts when possible. This year I was able to for both my father and step-mom (I may share after the gifts have been opened). I wish I had the skills/motivation to make things myself, but I am grateful for both the handmade gifts I've received and the ones I will give tomorrow.

Do you make or buy handmade gifts for Christmas? Do you like receiving them?

Imaginary Lives

Recently I read a post at I, MayB about imaginary lives. The exercise stems from the book, The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. My mom gave me this book during the summer of 1998. I was struggling with my first post-college summer job, living alone in the middle of nowhere several hours from home. With this and several other books, my mom got me in the habit of daily writing. Morning pages, or practice writing as I prefer not to limit myself to writing first thing in the morning, has been part of my life ever since.

Coming up with five imaginary lives is one of the tasks at the end of chapter one. I'm not going to dig out my notebooks from 1998 to look for my response from back then, so I will pretend I've never done it before (which isn't much of a stretch since my memory is so bad I don't actually recall doing any of the tasks in the book).

1. Writer - This probably doesn't need much explaining. I think I've made my interest in writing pretty plain over the years.

2. Park Ranger - Specifically at a National Park like Yellowstone or Yosemite. It would be so awesome to work somewhere like that every day!

3. Actress - Hey, we're imagining things here, right? I'd particularly like to be an actress in the Star Trek franchise. If not that, then maybe General Hospital.

4. Nun - Obviously, this is a bit of a stretch considering I'm not Catholic (or religious AT ALL), but I find nuns fascinating. This may be a side-effect of my life-long love of The Sound of Music.

5. Literary Agent - Books! More books! The publishing industry seems like a perfect career for book-lovers like me.

Some of these are things I would actually be interested in doing in real life. Some are not. I bet you can guess which are which.

What imaginary lives would you lead?

Phipps Conservatory, Pittsburgh

I love plants and trees and flowers and pretty much everything you might find at a conservatory. Several years ago while visiting my mother in Detroit we toured the Anna Scripps Whitcomb Conservatory on Belle Isle. I was smitten. This past weekend when we were browsing local attractions in Pittsburgh I saw there was a conservatory near our hotel. Of course, I wanted to go.

On Saturday morning we checked out of our hotel and walked to the Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Gardens. Below are a few of the photos from our visit.

Chocolate Tree

Dahlias

Dahlias

Starfruit - Tropical Fruit & Spice Room

Bananas - Tropical Fruit & Spice Room

Desert Room

Broderie Room

This is the last post from our recent trip to Pittsburgh. You can read about the Pearl Jam concert we attended here and see some of what we saw on our walks in the city here.

Pearl Jam in Pittsburgh

My husband is a HUGE Pearl Jam fan. HUGE. He even has a tattoo of some of their song lyrics. He's seen Pearl Jam in concert once before, and so when the tickets went on sale for the fall tour, we both jumped on our laptops and tried to secure tickets to multiple venues. Buffalo sold out before we could get tickets, but we managed to score two for Pittsburgh. And with that our road trip was born...

I haven't been to a concert in a few years (last seen: Tim McGraw at the New York State Fair), but I quickly remembered how much I love the vibe when everyone is over the moon excited for the same reason. I love that feeling.

The concert was awesome. And then this happened...

One of our high school classmates on stage with Pearl Jam! Holy crap. OK, so he's famous in his own right, but I still think of him as the tall, somewhat goofy boy who had a locker near my best friend's. What a weird world. (Sorry for the intentionally vague reference, but still cool, right?)

I've never been to a concert when the band keeps playing music after the lights get turned on. So much fun!

I'll share more about our one night trip to Pittsburgh later this week.

Making Wine

Last year was our first go at homemade wine, but my husband made and stored it at another location. The only part I was involved in was the drinking. We made two varieties of New York whites: Cayuga and Diamond. Both are sweet, which is what we like. They came out fantastic and we were super pleased.

This year my husband decided to make two reds in addition to two whites. At the last minute he decided to bring the supplies home and set up the wine making in our basement. Finally! I got to be involved in the actual making, not just the drinking.

He did the day one steps before bringing the juice home. All I know is it involved little pills that kill the natural yeast. He brought home 4 buckets of juice, which we opened and covered with towels overnight. You can see the bubbling action the next day.

Brand new carboys ready for the reds: Cabernet Sauvignon and Ruby Cabernet.

Adding the yeast. Not pictured: adding the sugar, because it was a two person job. He poured the juice and I poured the sugar at the same time.

The last step was inserting the aerator. It immediately started what looked like a rolling boil. So cool!

We can taste it in a few days (small tastes), but it won't be ready to bottle for another 3.5 months. We can't wait! The juice for the whites will be ready in a few weeks and we'll repeat the process with those.

Golden Harvest Festival

The Golden Harvest Festival is held every year on the first weekend after Labor Day. This year was the 37th annual festival. It was also the first time my nephew attended, at 2.5 years old. My sister figured he was old enough to get a kick out of things like the hayride, petting zoo, and games in the Super Natural Midway. She was right, of course.

The three of us went Saturday morning shortly after the festival opened. Rain was forecasted for later in the day, but it arrived earlier than expected. We ate lunch sitting on the ground inside the food tent, shopped the used books inside the nature center, and stopped into the craft room to make a flower with paper and a pipe cleaner before calling it a day.

I was bummed because the line for the donuts was too long to even consider waiting in. I am not a fan of cake donuts usually, but these are simply the best donuts ever. Hot and melt-in-your-mouth, cinnamon-sugary goodness. So Sunday morning my husband and I decided to try again. We arrived minutes before our long-time friend took the stage with his magic act, so I left my husband there to save our bale of hay and I dashed down to get cider and donuts. Perfection!

Before leaving we walked down to the lake to take in the beautiful day. As we exited, one of the volunteers handing out programs asked what our favorite part of the festival was. Naturally, I said "the donuts!"

But really, the best part is the lake and the trees and the NATURE that is there year round.

30 Days of Lists: Week 1

This first week of the 30 Days of Lists project has been great fun. I've been reading the prompt first thing in the morning and writing my list immediately. Yesterday I waited to write my list for obvious reasons (obvious when you see the list topic).

I am not at all crafty, nor do I do any kind of scrapbooking, and I do all of my journaling in inexpensive spiral bound, wide-ruled notebooks. I decided to take advantage of a small notebook that my mother had decorated and mailed to me. I picked up a pack of 10 colored ballpoint pens at the drugstore and voila! Ready to list!

List #1 came out while we were hiking Algonquin, Iroquois, and Wright, so I had to wait to see what the first list prompt would be. I wondered about it while hiking but had to wait until we got back to the camper, where I showered and then we went out to eat. So it was late and I was exhausted by the time I got to do my list, which I can see in my handwriting.

*Click on the images to view larger versions, which are easier to read.*

With list #2, I got into my morning routine.

List #3 challenged me more than the first two, and I continued to add items throughout the day.

List #4 was easy. I have lots of time in my life right now that I have to fill with "time wasting" activities.

Some of the other listers objected to the topic for list #5 because they wanted to keep their lists upbeat. As I've mentioned before, I am not an optimistic person, so this didn't bother me at all. I am, however, a HUGE worrier. I have a very anxious personality. If I'm awake, I'm probably worrying about something (in fact, considering how poorly I sleep, I'm probably worrying then, too). I decided to keep my list short though and not go into the gory details.

List #6 was a head scratcher for me. The first item was a no-brainer, but then I really had to dig deep. After I'd finished my list I looked at some of the stuff people posted in the private Facebook group and saw some great ideas that I wished I'd thought of.

List #7 was the one I decided to wait to write until later in the day. My sister and I took her son to an annual harvest festival for his first time, which provided most of the items for my list.

There are no rules for this project. The idea is for everyone to make it their own in order to get the most out of it. Some people choose to look ahead and complete their lists in advance, but one of my favorite parts is waiting and reading each prompt for the first time each morning. That way, I get to enjoy the surprise every morning, and then I can focus on just one topic each day. I'm definitely looking forward to the rest of the lists!

Riding the Chairlift

Neither my husband nor I are downhill skiers, so we haven't had many opportunities to ride chairlifts. This weekend we went campering at Eighth Lake Campground, just north of Inlet, NY. On Saturday we drove down to Old Forge to ride the chairlift at McCauley Mountain.

I enjoyed it immensely. I felt like a little kid, with my feet dangling and a big grin on my face.

The weather was perfect and the views were lovely.

It was well-worth the $6 for each of us. And we both managed to get on and off the chairlift with grace and humor. Naturally, I fell off my mountain bike later in the day, but that's another story...

30 Days of Lists

This morning I signed up for my first round of 30 Days of Lists, which is offers "creative journaling challenges for people who love to make lists." Since I've never done this before I don't know exactly what to expect, and yet I'm looking forward to it quite a bit. If nothing else, it will spur me to try something new and to meet new people who are also participating. And maybe find some new blogs to read in the process.

I'm also not sure what role my blog will play. Will I post my lists directly to the blog or will I post pictures of my lists? Will I write my lists in my journal (my regular, plain spiral bound notebook) or will I decide to do something more creative? I've never gotten into scrapbooking, but this could be a cross-over opportunity to mix my love of journaling and list making with something more crafty (which I would never describe myself as).

Come September 1st, all will be revealed. Maybe.

(If you are interested, it cost me $8 to register, but preregistration ends Saturday, August 17th, so the price may go up.)

Getting fit & losing weight

Weight has mainly been just a number for me. That's not to say I never obsessed over it in high school, but generally I've been more concerned with how my clothes fit or how I feel in my body.

Over the last couple years I've been eating more and experiencing a gradual shift. I occasionally bought another pair of jeans that were more comfortable than some of my old standbys. I stopped wearing some of my other clothes and added them to the to-be-donated pile. On a warm day in early spring I pulled out a pair of my capri pants and found I could barely button them. And once I managed that I couldn't breathe or sit. In a panic I pulled out the rest of my capris and shorts. I could only squeeze into one pair of each. That was the last straw. It was time to do something.

So I bought a bathroom scale. And saw a number I'd never seen before and was not willing to live with.

So then I bought a Fitbit One. It tracks steps, distances, calories burned, and overall activity level. I clipped it on my waistband and haven't taken a step without it since. The daily goals and cheesy badges help motivate me. I get bummed when I don't make my 10,000 steps per day. Really bummed.

I also knew I had to address my eating habits. Somehow I had let my portion sizes increase to unnecessarily large. My husband cooks for an army every night and I was apparently trying to eat for one. So smaller serving sizes were needed. I also had to get my dessert consumption under control. I'd let myself develop the habit of eating at least one form of dessert EVERY DAY. That had to stop. At first I put into effect a "Sundays and special occasions only" rule. In order to break the habit, I had to do something drastic. And with my sweet-tooth, that was drastic.

Now I've been able to relax that rule and eat s'mores when we're camping or get ice cream with my nephew without worrying about falling back into the daily candy bar from the vending machine, cookies, and cake-apalooza I was enjoying before. I'm back into my capri pants and most of my shorts and jeans (still some work to be done). But more importantly, I feel better. Because it isn't just about the number on the scale or being able to fit into my clothes again. It's about being FIT. I want to know my body can climb tall mountains and hike 14+ miles in a day when I ask it to.

Surprised Myself Even

I haven't written poetry in many years. Mostly lack of interest prevented me from even trying. But this afternoon, I thought to myself I think I'll write a poem.

And I did.

Who knew. I don't even care if it's crap; I'm merely pleased with the act itself.

Spontaneous, me?

Spontaneous or even fun are not words that can normally be used to describe me. I'm usually pretty serious, sarcastic, and predictable (stuck in my ways?). All of that changed, at least for one night, this past week.

Less than 24 hours before the concert in question an old friend called with an extra ticket. I hadn't seen him in years, and I hadn't gone to a show with him since 1996. I called my boss and begged off work. At the show I rediscovered music I've loved for almost half of my life. I also was reminded that I can have great fun if I just let myself (even while completely sober!). It was also amazing how comfortable I felt with him after all these years. I am far from easy-going and unfamiliar people and settings tend to make me feel tense, but there was none of that on this night.

It was, by far, the most fun and best time I've had in a long, long time.

A Kid Again!

I ran behind the lawnmower, pushing it as fast as we both could go. Showers were on the horizon and weekend plans will prevent lawn mowing from occurring. I strategically mowed the front parts easily viewable from the road and then zipped into the shady corner where things always grow lush and quick. The sprinkles started to come a bit more frequently as I pushed the mower back into the garage. I was about to kick off my grass stained sneakers when my eye caught the dust-covered bike I had recently unburied and had borrowed my dad's bike pump to fill the old tires. Hastily, before I talked myself out of it, I grabbed a nearby pair of work pants to wipe the grunge from the big, wide seat. I pushed it down through the stones and swung my leg over. Then I was pumping madly up the hill, speeding through the cool raindrops, my hair streaming out behind me. Once around the double block I went and never stopped smiling. I picked up speed down the slight hill and, just like I used to in the old days, came bouncing up through the side yard towards the garage. I must do that again soon!

Le Tour

I think I've mentioned my love of Le Tour de France at some point in the past. I love the drama and dynamics of the peloton. I love seeing the countryside and villages that they race through. I love the bunch sprints at the finish line. The mountain climbing amazes me. I have so much respect for the riders. I watch each and every stage year in and year out. It's one of my favorite things about July.

I'm not a bike rider myself, but watching the race still inspires me to get up and outside. To get active and aim for a higher level of fitness. So far I've been doing a good job of meeting my 4 walk minimum per week goal. Next up, I'm going to try adding some free weights. I will aim to incorporate those a minimum of 3 days a week. Hopefully, that will help speed up my metabolism, which I fear may be slowing as I near my mid-30s.

On Yoga and Friendship

This morning I went to my first ever yoga class. I went with a woman that was one of my temps this past busy season. She and I have been slowly developing a friendship. We were chatty at work, but it's different translating that into a real bond of friendship. I find her a fascinating, generous, and intelligent person and hope that we continue to get closer.

I was a little nervous and anxious at the start of class. I was perhaps overly concerned with getting the poses "right," but it was a beginners class in the first week of a new session so there were other novices present. I liked it quite a bit! I wasn't sure if I would, so I'd paid the drop-in fee as opposed to signing up for the entire six-week session. Of course now I'm quite tempted to go buy my own mat and sign up for the whole thing.

Becoming a Doula

I have long been interested in midwifery and natural birth. I love reading birth stories of any kind and can't wait to be present at my first birth. The medical side of being a midwife never appealed to me, but as I learned more about the role a doula can play in birth it felt right for me.

These three books helped to lead me to my decision to start the certification process to become a doula:

A Midwife's Story by Penny Armstrong & Sheryl Feldman
Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent
Adventures in Natural Childbirth edited by Janet Schwegel

As well as this documentary:

The Business of Being Born

Yesterday I finished the first of my required readings:

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin

In a couple weeks I'll be participating in a DONA approved training workshop for birth doulas. I'm going to try to read at least one more of the required reading before then. I'm very excited about this process. I feel like after the last few years of being in grad school and not having time for myself and my interests that now I can breathe again. Come alive. I knew that I hated being in grad school, but I hadn't been fully aware of how miserable I was and how I barely existed outside of it. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't living. Now it's time to do what I want.