Giveaway Fun

I know a few of my readers enjoy the fun of a good giveaway, so you should pop on over the Fishing and Wishing. I've already won TWO giveaways (as myself, not as Nadine). There's lots of cool jewelry and other interesting items. Enjoy!

Surprised Myself Even

I haven't written poetry in many years. Mostly lack of interest prevented me from even trying. But this afternoon, I thought to myself I think I'll write a poem.

And I did.

Who knew. I don't even care if it's crap; I'm merely pleased with the act itself.

Naming

We went for a ride on the motorcycle this afternoon. We rode past fields of corn and soybeans and amber waves of grain. Everything was green and the sky was blue. It was the perfect temperature, warm enough for the wind to keep me comfortable.

While riding on the back of the bike I can see so much more of my surroundings than I can from the inside of a car. I am constantly swiveling my head, trying to see as much as possible. I often think of how when I see things, I name them in my head. Blue spruce, Queen Anne's Lace, white oak, sugar maple, sweet pea, geranium, and so on. Most people don't know the names of the trees and plants they see on a daily basis. Do they think to themselves "more green things" or do they not even notice the green things at all? Do they just take them so for granted that the plants never even cross their minds? I can't imagine going through life like that. It bothers me that I can no longer identify all the things I could in college, and let's not even talk about the Latin names that I've forgotten.

Some things I will never have

~ long, shapely legs
~ small, perky breasts
~ clear skin

I also will never be exceptionally brilliant like my sister, incredibly creative like my mom, or even powerful like my dad.

At some point I hope to come to terms with these things. It would help if I could find my niche or something that I excelled at. I would mind being average less if I felt I had something of value to offer the world, but most of the time I just feel like I'm taking up space.

The Return of Ice Cream Season

We've had some very summer-like weather recently. Hot temperatures always inspire me to want ice cream. I favor a cinnamon bun flavored creation, but will eat a wide variety of flavors of B&J's, whereas my boyfriend only eats some weird half-baked thing (chocolate ice cream! the horror!). His flavor must be the most popular because it is rarely in stock. After pawing through the freezer case, I heaved a big sigh and turned to stomp off. An employee that was stocking nearby heard me and politely inquired if I was finding everything OK. Um, no, as a matter of fact, I wasn't. So off to the stockroom he went to return triumphantly with my ice cream in hand.

So a few days later when I happened to be back at the same store, and yet again found myself pawing hopelessly for the half-baked nonsense, I knew that it might be possible to find some in the back. There was no helpful stocker lad this time though, so I went up to the front near the cashiers and solicited assistance from a manager type. A few minutes later he directed me back to frozen foods where the same stocker lad held several pints for me. Not embarrassing at all. I tried to explain that the ice cream wasn't for me, but he wasn't fooled, taking note as I scooped up a pint of cinnamon buns too.

Next time my boyfriend will be doing the ice cream shopping!

Stop the eating!

Another side effect of perpetual boredom is weight gain. For lack of anything else to do, I snack ALL day long. For example, I had just polished off a pair of Reese's peanut butter cups courtesy of the evil vending machine, when a co-worker came into my office and poured a big handful of m&m's on my desk. Now this wouldn't perhaps be the worst thing in the world if it wasn't an every day occurrence (well, some version of the story anyway).

Also contributing to the weight gain is the fact that I'm in a relationship now. I always tend to eat more when I'm sharing meals with another person. I eat much less when I eat alone (two rice cakes for dinner, anyone?). Now there are actual meals, eating out, and homemade bread to contend with, not to mention the fact that I keep making cookies.

In the December-January crunch of our busy season at work there is no time for snacking. I was also single at that point, and got down to the thinnest I've been in decades. I even had to buy two new pairs of jeans (size 4!) because most of my others were just way too loose. Sadly enough, they were a short-lived distraction, and now it's back to the "fat jeans" for me.

And exercise? Who has the time or energy for that? Obviously something's gotta give; this is not a good pattern to follow.

Whine, Whine, Whine

I know that I should be grateful that I have a job at all given the economic state of affairs. And I am. I really am.

I even have really good benefits and a lot of time off. It's just that my job is really, really boring. And it makes me really, really grumpy. And frustrated. And miserable.

We spend most of our lives working (why is that anyway?), so it seems like we should be doing something we at least kind of enjoy. Why don't you do something about your situation, you ask? I did! I took out ridiculous amounts of student loans and got my master's degree. How could I have known the economy would tank? Now not only are they not hiring teachers, they are laying them off left and right.

Enough of this whine. It is time for some fruity wine instead.

Pretty in Pink

So pink is no longer my favorite color. In fact, it never was. But the color green had been taken by my older sister, and so I was more or less assigned the color pink. This weekend I got back to my pink roots when picking out a motorcycle helmet. The one I liked best was available in pink or black, but the black had to be ordered in my size. Always a fan of instant gratification I opted for pink.

That night we went for my first real ride on the bike (the test drive through a housing development hardly counts). The first couple miles were bordering on terrifying. I was chilled from the wind and super tense. When I finally relaxed, I found myself able to warm up some and enjoy myself. I even kept my eyes open during the last turn into our neighborhood. Probably a good thing we didn't go out on any of the local highways...

I can't wait to go out again as soon as the rain stops and the temperatures warm. Maybe I need a pink riding jacket and some pink riding gloves...

Done for Now

I went on my second birth as a doula last night. It didn't work out as well as I hoped. I got the call at 10:30 in the morning, but I couldn't leave work because three of the other managers were out. I was doula-sharing, so the other doula headed to the hospital without me, and I called my back-up. Unfortunately she was in an induction and couldn't attend my birth. By the time I got there around 5:30, the mom was almost ready to push. I felt bad about leaving the other doula hanging and not being able to fulfill my commitment to the mom. The experience helped to reinforce a decision I'd already made. Doula-ing just doesn't work in my life right now. Even though my employer is flexible about it, I can't always just up and leave. I'm also not dealing well with the possibility of having to be awakened at any moment in at least a three week window around a due date. I want less stress in my life right now, not more. So I won't be taking on any new clients. Maybe someday my life will be better suited to being a doula and I can take it up again. Because I like doing it. And I think I am good at it.