"How's married life?"
I am constantly being asked this question and I always stumble over the answer. Married life is, in fact, absolutely the same as non-married life was for us. We already lived together (for almost 3 years), so there were no new surprises lurking in dark corners. Day-to-day life has not changed one iota. Which is fine, or else we would not have gotten married (duh!).
Some things have changed though, like my last name. It was a decision I put A LOT of thought into. As is tradition in my family, I did a lot of waffling. I leaned one way, I leaned the other. I asked my now-husband for his opinion: "I don't care, do whatever you want." And so I did. I decided to change my last name for a variety of reasons, all of which are personal and NONE of anyone else's business.
However, apparently lots of folks don't appreciate these boundaries, which in my opinion, should be obvious. Everyone is welcome to their own opinion of course, but I don't need to hear it. The most distressing incident was when my boss yelled at me for having changed my last name. And just so we're clear, I'm NOT exaggerating. She raised her voice and essentially told me I was wrong (and stupid, being the underlying message). The little respect I had for her vanished in that instant.
A complicating factor is that my husband (he needs a nickname, doesn't he?) has a sister with the same first name as me, which was weird enough when we were dating. But now, people are constantly harping on how strange it must be for her to have someone else take her name (never mind the fact that she's been married with her husband's last name for close to 15 years). And they go on and on right in front of me, without any concern for how this makes ME feel. Clearly, I'm still working on developing that thick skin.
Maybe one day I will be able to not let little stuff bother me. And maybe one day I'll finish changing my name with every entity on the planet (Passport Services, I'm looking at you).
In the meantime, I'll just keep marveling at the fact I now have a HUSBAND and am MARRIED. After 36 years of being single, these things take time to get used to.
7 comments:
I still haven't gotten everything changed over to my new name.
People are weird.
Developing thick skin is very hard for me. I'm bad at it.
Speaking of boundaries, people I hardly know keep asking about my health issues and certain persons closely associated with me tell them intimate details I would prefer remain private. GRRRR!
Ugh, that must be irksome.
People are super weird sometimes, eh? I enjoyed this convo earlier today at a party:
Friend's mom: So you're getting married soon? Are you going to have children? [pause] No, wait, that's probably not something I should ask you.
Me, smiling: You are absolutely right! [pause] Would you like a slice of cake?
Ugh, people ask me (us) about having children all the time. Why?? Bugger off, y'all.
Yes, I'm creeping on your old blog entries. :) I just had to comment though - I never knew your husband's sister shared your first name. I thought I was the only person who married someone who shared his sister's first name. :) It would be even more weird if you shared your sister in law's birthday, like my wife does.
Hi Ray! Yes, that would be even weirder! ;-) I'm just glad we have different middle names...
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