I keep thinking about dating. Obsessing over men from my past and random men I encounter in my daily life.
But then I come to my senses. How would a man fit into my life right now? I barely have enough time in the day to get my son and myself to and from daycare/work, feed us dinner, squeeze in a few minutes of playtime and book reading before I have to put him to bed. Then I run around picking up toys and getting ready for work the next day. I shower, crawl in bed, and start all over again the next morning.
It's unlikely anyone else would find me and my life interesting right now even if there was somehow time for them. But I miss feeling like I matter to someone. (Other than blood relatives because yes, I know I matter to you people. You can stop flapping your hands now.)
I am 40 years old with a toddler. I might as well be invisible. I just want someone to SEE me, care about me, make me feel special. It's been a long time since I had a partner who was happy to be with me. Feeling like a burden on someone does a number to your self-worth.
Maybe what I need is a pen pal. Someone to email and text, without the bothersome real life implications. Because I'm sure there are a lot of single men out there dying for a pen pal.